The news peg for Nick Gruber’s profile in the latest Page Six Magazine is his forthcoming tell-all memoir, now tentatively titled “Obsession: My Life With Calvin Klein,” which supposedly gets a publisher in January. But of course, the Post didn’t really need a reason to write about Gruber, who spouts quotes like, “I get every girl, and even guys. Something about me draws them all in.” Since we can’t improve upon anything that comes out of Gruber’s mouth (or that of his new boyfriend, 48-year-old John Luciano), we’ve compiled a list of the best lines from the feature. Read on.
Gruber can’t help but attract men and women:
I was the first man [Calvin] fell in love with … I don’t know why, but there’s, like, something about me that attracts everyone. I have a nickname called Romeo. I get every girl, and even guys. Something about me draws them all in.
To get out of the army when he was 20, Gruber told his commanding officer he was gay (he now insists he’s straight) and handed over a bisexual porn tape he’d made in high school as “proof”:
I went to see my first sergeant, and I gave him the [bisexual] video and he was like, “I don’t want to see it.” They gave me a choice if I wanted to stay in or if I wanted to get out, but since I was involved with Calvin, I wanted to get out.
He introduced Klein to fast food:
I made Calvin go to McDonald’s and have a Big Mac, and he asked if they had it medium rare … He took a bite, and he was like, “Ugh, what’s this?” I’ll never forget that story: medium rare for a Big Mac at McDonald’s.
Klein once gave him a $250,000 Bentley Supersport with a vanity plate that read “SS621HP” for Supersport 621 Horsepower:
It was my baby … [But Calvin] never liked it, and called it, in his words, “a Chanel handbag.” He called it that because the stitching inside was quilted … When we broke up, he took it back.
But it’s okay, because now Gruber has a motorcycle instead:
I am this extreme badass at heart … I used to have a car that went 205 miles per hour. Now I’ve got a motorcycle that goes 186. I’ll be racing it at night. I have an appetite for danger.
When Gruber’s relationship with Klein started to sour, Klein forced him to take a lie detector test:
[Calvin] picked me up in his car, drove me down to the Holiday Inn in Chelsea, and we went downstairs in the basement of the hotel … He made me take a lie detector test … I passed it. And then, you know, things were much better. But I mean, what kind of partner would make you take a lie detector test?
Even though Gruber continues to insist he’s straight, he now has a new boyfriend, John Luciano, who’s overseeing his book deal and has this to say about him:
There’s a lot of drama in his life. I mean, he is a cross between Kim Kardashian and Honey Boo Boo … America has waited for this moment.
But Luciano does have some reservations about Gruber’s past:
He craves something, I think, from older men … The most intimidating thing is having sex with your boyfriend and pulling down his pants and his ex-boyfriend’s name is staring you right in the face.
In other words, this book is going to be awful in the best way possible.
Related: Of Course Nick Gruber’s Tell-all Is (Tentatively) Titled What Came Between Me and My Calvin
