The Ultimate G Vibrator is a new gynecologist-designed sex toy that promises “third-level orgasms.” It boasts features like pleasure bumps, outer arms, and a shaft that fits the body’s natural form for maximum pleasure by stimulating basically every part of your anatomy. Oh, so is this what Arianna Huffington means with her “Third Metric”? (In full support, Arianna.)
One drawback: The design of this this new pink friend is almost too terrifying let anywhere near my vagina. After a brief free association, here are a few things the Ultimate G resembles (spoiler alert: none of these things will get you off to the highest degree):
• a chew toy
• the alien that bursts out of John Hurt in Alien
• a CGI fallopian tube
• a cartoon brontosaurus proposing
• a sad work of public art outside of some museum
• a power flosser
• a sea anemone
• the logo for a women’s health center
