It’s the most wonderful time of the year: ABC has finally released the male contestant bios for the upcoming season of The Bachelorette (premiering May 23). These dudes are sooo horny and terrifying! For the benefit of bachelorette Jojo Fletcher and the enjoyment of those watching at home, here are the top five most sex-crazed contestants. (Judging based on a complex scientific system of reading the bios; results are final.)
Evan, 33
What’s your occupation? “Erectile Dysfunction Expert”
Do you consider yourself a romantic and why? “Yes, I believe I’m in touch with my sexual energy and it’s very powerful and beautiful.”
Daniel, 31
Do you have tattoos? “No — same reason you don’t put stickers on a lambo.”
Are you comfortable wearing swimwear in public? “Very comfortable. Why have a lambo if you park it in the garage?”
Luke, 31
If you could have lunch with one person, who would it be and why? “Mark Cuban, because I want to know what he thinks made him successful.”
Nick S., 26
What is the most outrageous thing you’ve ever done? “Chased a mountain lion.”
If you could do/have any job in the world, what would it be and why? “Don Draper? James Bond? They kill it …”
Robby, 27
What is your favorite flower? “Honeysuckle – delicious!”
