On this week’s episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, our A plot was mouthy dogs, our B plot was gun ownership, and our C plot was elder care. Sit back, relax, and #LEGGO.
Scene 2:
As one might expect, Khloé Kardashian and Kendall Jenner, closet equestrians, shop for horse-riding gear in Calabasas. Khloé, in a thong bodysuit and low-riding jeans, takes offense to Kendall asking if she needs a size large to accommodate her fat ass — but Kendall’s so happy to be shopping for riding gear that she doesn’t care that Khloé is upset at all.
Plus, Kendall’s been dealing with a constant stream of stalkers. She’s got a lot more on her mind than Khloé’s insecurities. She tells Khloé about how unsafe she’s been feeling at home, especially since her place has been burglarized (while she was there) and how she feels trapped inside since her security guards won’t let her leave when suspicious people are staking out her apartment building. Khloé explains she thinks the family could benefit from more security, particularly by owning guns. Kendall agrees; she’s thought about arming herself, too. Shortly after talk of guns, the sisters transition the conversation to chaffing and bruised genital regions caused by hoses and bikes. Khloé’s vagina was once so badly bruised she went to the doctor for STD treatment, and he had to tell her she just had a really good SoulCycle class. This scene was filmed on June 22, 2017.
Scene 3:
At Kim Kardashian’s Bel Air Estate, Kris and Khloé stop by to visit Kim and her new puppy. Kim and Kourtney recently gifted their daughters, North and Penelope, with nearly identical Pomeranian puppies for North’s birthday. Kim loves the dogs, but is peeved that she got the hyperactive puppy and Kourtney got the calm one. In fact, she feels tricked. You see, when the dogs were delivered, her dog, Sushi, was super quiet and laid back, while Kourtney’s puppy, Honey, was yappy. What Kim wasn’t told is that Sushi was sick, so what she thought was a personality was more like lethargy. Kim’s slightly jealous of Kourtney’s dog’s personality, but wouldn’t trade in North’s happiness for anything. This scene was filmed on June 23, 2017.
Scene 5:
At home, Kim breaks down sales and reviews for KKW Beauty’s contour sticks with former Greatest Assistant of All Time, Steph Shep. Steph tells Kim that fans are loving the kabuki brushes on the contour sticks but aren’t crazy about the sponges. Kim thinks that this feedback means they should start selling brushes separately, so I’m sure we’ll be seeing those online soon.
What’s more pressing, though, is Kim’s growing annoyance with Sushi. Kim’s really on edge because the dog is getting in the way of her sleep, as well as Kanye’s. Recently she even had to have someone take the dog all the way downstairs in the middle of the night because her barking was unbearable. Kim’s also still pissed that Kourtney’s dog remains quiet. Ever the trickster, Kim suggests swapping the dogs out since they look almost identical. Steph agrees, and tells Kim that she can’t even tell the two dogs apart. This statement emboldens Kim, who is now set on kidnapping Kourtney’s dog. This scene was filmed on June 26, 2017.
Scene 6:
In Khloé’s closet, Khloé and Kendall chat about guns, a topic Kendall has always loved to chat about on KUWTK. After their talk at the horse store, Khloé and Kendall have done a bit more research and think that getting a gun is the best option for ensuring their personal safety. Khloé asks Kendall if she’s ever shot a gun, and wonders what kind of gun her sister would like, since they’re all different. Kendall thinks a bit and recalls going to a shooting range once, but doesn’t know enough to have a gun preference.
In the midst of talking about what gun would be most comfortable to use, Kim barges in and asks what the gals are gabbing about. As soon as they say “guns,” Kim’s mood sours — especially after Khloé tells Kim that having a gun could have possibly helped during her Paris incident. Kim stops Khloé, and explains that even if she’d had a gun, she wouldn’t have been able to get it and there’s no way that she would have been able to overtake the men in the hotel room She tells her sisters that she’s “no Lara Croft.” Putting her foot down even more, Kim warns them that having her kids over to their homes will stop if a gun is anywhere in the house and reminds them that they pay top dollar for security teams that are armed. Like Scene 2, this scene was filmed on June 22, 2017.
Scene 7:
In another part of Calabasas, Kris Jenner visits her mother, MJ Shannon. Thanks to Kris’s generosity, MJ’s a new resident of the coveted neighborhood. In addition to moving her mother from San Diego, Kris bought her a condo and decorated it. MJ’s super appreciative, but Kris is starting to go a step too far. On this particular day, Kris Jenner gifts her mom with a Mix Master, which is something MJ straight up tells her she won’t use. Kris is slightly offended, saying the Mix Master is an iconic staple in anyone’s kitchen. Kris also starts to rearrange everything in MJ’s kitchen, criticizing her mixed prints and “clutter.” MJ is obviously annoyed, but can only get back at Kris by nearly screaming that “Bruce Springsteen is iconic,” NOT a mixer! This scene was filmed on August 10, 2017.
Scene 8/Scene 9:
Kimberly Kardashian West, the Dog Thief of Hidden Hills, slinks into Kourtney Kardashian’s home to steal her dog, Honey. Empty dog crate in hand, Kim arrives, says a quick hello to her sister, who is researching summer homes, and then makes a beeline for the kitchen where Sushi and Honey are playing unattended. Kim grabs Honey while she whisper-shouts at Sushi to be quiet. Then, after a pretty easy theft, she’s outta there!
Not much later, Kourtney, Scott, and Reign hang out in the kitchen, where they all wonder why “Honey” is making so much noise. Reign, using his childlike wonder and the words from a producer, points to the dog and says “it’s North’s,” like he has some sort of sixth-sense ability to differentiate between two identical Pomeranians. After Reign’s expert admission, Kourtney and Scott are convinced this dog is not “Honey,” so they call Kim. Her voicemail is full, presumably with calls from other homes she’s wrecked through her Southern California Animal Theft Ring. This scene was filmed on June 28, 2017.
Scene 14:
After getting her dog back (by going to Kim’s house and picking her up), Kourtney lounges with Honey in her backyard. While petting her dog, Kourtney takes a call from her grandmother, MJ, who has a lot to say about Kris. MJ reiterates how thankful she is for all of the support from Kris during her move, and especially the new home, but she just can’t handle how controlling she’s become. MJ just wants to settle into her new home in a way that make her happy, and Kris’s constant demands about what appliances she needs and how to decorate are wearing her down. Kourtney understands how MJ is feeling, because she too knows how obsessive Kris can be about other people’s space. Kourtney suggests that MJ continues to do her best putting her own mark on the place, and try not to let Kris’s compulsions get to her too much. Kourtney also promises to ask her mom to back off. This scene was filmed on August 17, 2017.
Scene 15:
Los Angeles area–model Kendall Jenner chills at her home with sisters and social media influencers, Kim and Khloé Kardashian. Khloé and Kendall have a Very Important Subject to talk to Kim about, and it’s gun control. They know that Kim wasn’t initially into them exploring the idea of getting guns, and they’d like her to know that her wariness was 100 percent warranted. After the two sisters visited a shooting range and spoke with representatives from Everytown on the phone, they’ve decided against owning guns themselves. Even though they know know how to handle a gun, thanks to the shooting range, the statistics they heard from Everytown and the rising number of mass shootings doesn’t sit well with them. They’ve decided that, instead of bringing more guns into the world, they’re just going to put more faith in their highly trained security teams. This news pleases Kim, who is always right. This scene was filmed on August 29, 2017.
Scene 19:
Reformed Dog Thief Kim Kardashian West has decided that instead of taking dogs to replace Sushi, she’ll experiment with training her. To do this, she brings in famed Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan. Within minutes of entering the house, Cesar notices many issues with Sushi, mainly that she’s rewarded for bad behavior like eating slippers. Cesar also places a leash on Sushi for the first time, which almost instantly settles her behavior. Kim is in awe of Cesar’s skill, and I’m in awe of how truly stunning Kim looks even while learning to treat a dog like a dog and not a stuffed animal. Kimberly, sweetie, keep up whatever you’re doing because the look is flawless! This scene was filmed on July 26, 2017.
Well, wasn’t that a doggone riot, Dolls? I know you’ll miss me, but I’ll be back next week for another #KUWTKE recap of Keeping Up With Sushi and Honey’s Captors. #ADOPTDONTSHOP
