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New York’s Sex Diaries series asks anonymous city dwellers to record a week in their sex lives — with comic, tragic, often sexy, and always revealing results. This week, a consultant who tries out her new Ben Wa balls: 30, straight, Brooklyn, single.
DAY ONE
8 a.m. I get into my client’s office in D.C. early because the boss sent an email at 2 a.m. and she’s expecting updates before she gets into the office. We have a meeting in the morning with the client. I have a bad feeling it’s going to be a stressful morning.
10 a.m. We meet with the client, and it’s all going to shit. The client is displeased. You can tell despite his calm demeanor.
12 p.m. It’s going to be a working lunch. I’m a consultant and I travel a lot for work. My hours are crazy, every day is different, and I never really eat properly on the road. Today, I’m having a salad that’s going to take me two hours to pick through while I work. It’s a terrible way to eat.
4 p.m. I call my therapist because we had a FaceTime appointment. I grew up in a very conservative household where mental health care was not really talked about or accepted. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that therapy is something that everyone should really do. Life is stressful; it’s important to practice self-care. I’m literally sitting in a phone booth, 20 feet away from my team, talking about work and identity. Throughout the whole phone call, I’m getting text messages from my boss saying we have to make these updates before 5 p.m. Calm down, I just need to talk to my damn therapist for 20 minutes because of all the shit you make me do.
7 p.m. The day is over, finally, and my D.C. guy comes to pick me up from work.
I met D.C. guy on Tinder a few months ago. He has a huge dick, but unfortunately, hardly ever finishes. I never finish with him, but I’m pretty sure the sex we have is still blowing his mind. He even told me I was on his list of Top 5 sexual experiences. Thank you? We are ultimately, and unfortunately, not sexually compatible. But he’s nice to me and it’s refreshing to meet a gentleman.
7:15 p.m. You know what happened? We got into a car accident. We rear-ended someone. This is my life. I’m stunned for two minutes and then quickly try to calm down. D.C. guy turns to me and asks me what to do. Man, I’m from New York. I have never owned a car. I quickly Google it and tell him what to do. Breathe.
8 p.m. We drive the rest of the way back in awkward silence. I tell D.C. guy I need to eat something. We grab some noodles at a local joint and I feel tons better.
10 p.m. We don’t talk about the accident. Thankfully, no one was hurt. D.C. guy didn’t even ask if I was okay. He was more concerned about himself and the car.
We watch a documentary, Ugly Delicious, on Netflix and fall asleep.
DAY TWO
7 a.m. I wake up early because I don’t sleep well in new places. I decided to stay with D.C. guy for the weekend because I have to be back in town again on Monday. It’s definitely a bachelor pad. Badly kept, unclean. I have standards and this is not doing it for me.
9:30 a.m. I’m meeting my girlfriend for brunch. I’m super excited to catch up and drink mimosas all morning.
1 p.m. It’s going to be a girls’ weekend. We go shopping and get our nails done. Love this. Exactly what I needed after cheating death.
3 p.m. We go to Whole Foods, get snacks and two bottles of Champagne. I’m impressed my girl can keep up with me. She’s super petite. We’re just really good at drinking. We both work hard, play hard.
6 p.m. My girl and I have been talking for hours. We catch up about our love lives. We’re both single. I’m pretty recently single after having gotten out of a four-year relationship. I’ve been casually dating, but to be really frank, I think I’m just filling the void. The attention is nice, but I can’t see myself jumping into another relationship any time soon. I’ve always been a serial monogamist — my 20s were just a series of long-term relationships. I’ve haven’t really explored. I’ve been having some fantastic sex lately though. I was missing out!
10 p.m. We decide to go out, because why not? We’ve already been drinking all day. We end up going to a bar with live music. As soon as we enter, some guy starts hitting on my girl. He is cute as fuck. Tall, dark, buff, Filipino. But she doesn’t seem interested …
1 a.m. Fight breaks out in the bar and there’s blood on the floor. Cute guy offers to drive us home. I’m eyeing my girl and thinking, Are we seriously getting into a car with a stranger?
1:30 a.m. We’re getting into his truck, heading back to my girl’s apartment.
2 a.m. We arrive and I step out of the truck to give my girl alone time with him. I wonder what she’s going to do. Make out, exchange numbers, see ya later?
2:10 a.m. He’s parking his truck. Girl’s gonna get some!
3 a.m. I’m crashing with my girl tonight. I’m on the couch sexting my Army guy while she and the cute dude are getting busy in her bedroom. I also met Army guy on Tinder a few months ago. I wasn’t interested at first, but conversation was flowing and he seemed like a smart, respectful gentleman. He’s totally kinky, which I love. He ties me up, leaves bruises everywhere, and fucks me hard. Man, I can’t wait to be back in N.Y.
DAY THREE
8 a.m. My girl kicks the cute guy out of her apartment and we debrief about last night. She tells me he’s cute, but she’s not really interested. What a waste. This guy was totally my type — I’m really attracted to men who are ethnically ambiguous, highly intelligent, and strong enough to lift me. I’ve been seeing this other guy in N.Y. who’s part Puerto Rican, German, and Native American. God … he is so fine.
12 p.m. We order pizza to help us recover from last night. We’ve hardly slept and drank way too much.
3 p.m. I make plans to hang with my D.C. guy because I left him alone all weekend. We end up taking a stroll and going to the museum. It was nice, but felt empty.
5 p.m. We have an early dinner. Conversation’s a little awkward.
8 p.m. I’m packed, heading to my hotel for the evening. I get in the bath and take sexy boudoir photos to send to Army guy.
DAY FOUR
9 a.m. I have an intense workday prepping for a workshop with my client tomorrow. It’s mostly last-minute stuff.
9:30 a.m. I’ve gotten three calls from the boss in the span of 30 minutes. Damn. Calm down. She’s not even in the office yet.
12 p.m. We’ve been sitting in a windowless room for three hours. Shoot me.
3 p.m. There’s a storm a coming. Boss is frantic it might affect our workshop. We’re making a huge deal out of one to two inches of rain. Seriously?
7 p.m. Thank God we’re done. I go to dinner with my colleague, Brian. We end up bitching about the boss and talking about our lives. He’s a middle-aged family man with a sunny personality. We work well together. He’s probably the only person keeping us sane as we try to get through this workshop.
8:30 p.m. We ask the waiter to keep the wine coming. We’re both having a good time.
10 p.m. I’m ready for bed! Need to be prepared for tomorrow.
DAY FIVE
9 a.m. Workshop day. I’m surprisingly calm. We’re all prepped and ready. Just need to get through this day.
12 p.m. I look at Brian, who’s been fantastic all morning, and strongly suggest we get lunch. This is the only break we get. We invite the boss but she declined, opting to eat protein bars.
1 p.m. Workshop begins. People are trickling in. I’m ready to get this over with!
4 p.m. Wow. Workshop was freaking phenomenal, and I’m done.
8 p.m. My flight back to New York was canceled. I’m trying to figure out how to get back tomorrow with the snowstorm. Hmmmm … what to do?
10 p.m. I call my airline and change my flight. Turns out, there was only one flight left out of D.C.!
11 p.m. I text Army guy and tell him I want to show up at his apartment tomorrow morning when I land. I’ve been gone for a week and haven’t masturbated or gotten laid. Army guy tells me he’s getting hard and loves this idea. I pack and get ready to wake up for my early flight.
DAY SIX
3:30 a.m. I get up, because this is my life and I need to catch my flight. I caffeinate myself and take a vitamin B complex to boost my energy for the day.
6 a.m. I got upgraded and I’m in the first damn seat, 1A. How lucky is that?
6:05 a.m. The pilot tells us our flight has just been canceled and we’re just like, What the fuck? We’re already here. We’ve gone through the safety instructions and now, we’re going to deplane? I’m thinking, Fuck … I’m not going to get laid today. This sucks.
6:20 a.m. Pilot makes a call to the big boss. We’re still going! Applause from everyone on the plane. This all feels like a big mindfuck.
8 a.m. I land and tell Army guy I’m en route to his apartment in Astoria. He hops in the shower to get clean for me. Yum. I love it. He even shaves. Army guy has seen some shit in his life. He’s been deployed all over the world and is now getting his master’s at my alma mater. I try not to probe about his past, but he’s definitely seen some combat. The mystery of it all intrigues me.
10 a.m. I’ve been prepping myself mentally for this moment for days. We’d already made plans to have a sex marathon the following weekend, but I just couldn’t wait. We make out in his living room and move into the bedroom. He warms me up and starts eating me out. I end up sitting on his face and I make him eat me until I come. Oh man. So satisfying. I need a moment to recover before we continue having sex. We fuck hard and when he’s almost done, I suck him off until he comes in my mouth. He fucking loves it.
11 a.m. He tells me, after the fact, that he took some Viagra. I laugh and ask him how he feels. Very relaxed, he says … and ready to go again.
12 p.m. We take a break and have breakfast. I brought some breakfast sandwiches over. I work while in one of his plushy bathrobes. He makes coffee and we catch up while I’m multitasking.
12:30 p.m. He asks if I want to go again. I’m distracted because I’m working. I start stroking his dick while answering an email with my other hand. He’s into it. He fucks me for 30 minutes straight. I’m very impressed and surprised at his stamina. He comes, I get off the bed and check my phone for any emergencies at work.
1 p.m. I get dressed and call an Uber home because I have to prep for a meeting. I kiss Army guy good-bye and grab my laptop and luggage and head out the door.
2 p.m. I have meetings with my client. It’s a snow day, but I’m still working.
8 p.m. Done with everything. Ready to consume all of the carbs because I haven’t eaten anything since morning.
10 p.m. Lights out! I’ve been up for over 18 hours.
DAY SEVEN
8 a.m. Today is my day off. I don’t give a shit about anything else. I’m going to do whatever the fuck I want.
10 a.m. I decide to test out my birthday present (I turned 30 three weeks ago) from Army guy: a set of Ben Wa balls, which are meant to help you achieve vaginal orgasms. It was weird but fun. I sent him a picture of the Ben Wa balls covered in my fluids. I’m disgusting.
1 p.m. I use my vibrator while a YouTube video plays in the background. I’m beginning to think that … maybe the balls are working.
5 p.m. I go see my therapist. I’ve been telling her about my sexual escapades. She’s been very supportive. I’m having the best sex of my life. If only it hadn’t taken me this long …
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