Whenever I have relationship issues, I turn to my most no-nonsense friend. “The polar ice caps are melting!” she always texts back. “Tell them how you feel!” It’s a high-stakes version of the popular phrase “shoot your shot,” and a reminder that, look, we might not be long for this planet, so we might as well try to spend our time with someone we think is cute. Cardi B seems to be on the receiving end of this kind of apocalyptic flirting.
The rapper appears on the new cover of Harper’s Bazaar as a couture-clad fairy-tale princess, as she deserves. In the corresponding interview, she says that dating is difficult for her; imagine if Prince Charming attempted to track Cinderella down, only to realize she had over 40 million Instagram followers. “I have a kid, and I’m also famous. So I can’t just sleep with anybody. People talk,” she points out. “You know, if I date somebody in the industry, that’s another person in the industry. If I date somebody who is not in the industry, he might not understand my lifestyle.”
Cardi announced her divorce from rapper Offset, with whom she shares daughter Kulture Kiari Cephus, last year. Since then, their exact relationship status has been hazy. They have vacationed together and exchanged Christmas presents; Offset even crashed a Cardi performance begging her to take him back. Yet Cardi is vague about whether she and Offset will reconcile. She gave Bazaar two answers when asked: “I don’t think so,” and “Who knows? You never know, you can never tell.”
This limbo, it seems, has not dissuaded dudes out there from trying to slide into Cardi’s DMs. A word to the wise, however: She says she’s ignoring the messages. “It’s like, ‘Bro, why would you want to holler at me right away? You’re weird,’” she explains. “If you think Imma automatically hop onto you after a marriage, that just means you think I’m a sleaze. And I’m not. I have a kid — I have to show an example.”
She adds: “I like to have sex. That doesn’t mean I have to have it with everybody. Not that I judge women who want to have sex with the world.”
It can seem tempting to post a thirsty comment on someone’s Instagram, or if you’re really feeling bold, hitting “send” on that private message to your crush, celebrity or otherwise. Some of my best friends began dating their significant others via social media, so I won’t knock the medium entirely. But the fact that dudes are really out here thinking that sending a 3 a.m. “hey ;)” to Cardi B will work only convinces me of one thing: If I had the confidence of a man, I could rule the world.
