marriage: an investigation

Things Couples Do to Keep Their Marriage Going

They say you can never understand someone else’s marriage. But this week, New York Magazine and the Cut decided to try. We interrogated dozens of couples (and a throuple) to see what makes their marriages work — or not

“We never, ever, ever look at each other’s emails or texts. Snooping leads to nothing good.” —Tanya, 33, married two years

“The best thing I did for my relationship was buy fake tits. I feel sexy every night with my husband now, and it made us stronger and closer, without a doubt.” —Randy, 48, married 15 years

“What keeps our marriage happy? Not asking ourselves if we’re happy.” —Amy, 41, married three years

“Lube. Designer lube. Lube you leave out on your nightstand.” —Liza, 49, married 19 years

“Learn to bite your tongue.” —Stuart, 50, married 15 years

“I don’t know or care about his finances. He doesn’t know or care about mine. If he doesn’t do his taxes on time? Fuck it, not my problem.” —Aviva, 40, married three years

“Have sex once a week, no matter what. If you don’t do this, you end up feeling like roommates, and who wants to live with a gross boy?” —Julia, 38, married eight years

“Hire a cleaning person.” —Carly, 38, married four years

“In our 20s, we played singles tennis together. I had a solid backhand; he had an arsenal of trick shots aimed at my forehand. After one too many of his slices, I stood at the net and said, ‘Fuck you!’ then flounced back to my service line. When I turned around, he was still at the net, asking me to come back. He said, ‘Is that how you speak to the one person who loves you more than anyone else in the entire world?’ In our 70s, I remember that moment and play it in my head when he’s being a perfect asshole.” —Elle, 70, married for 50 years

“Blow jobs. I can get away with almost anything if I blow him on a regular basis.” —Julia, 41, married for three years

*This article appears in the April 1, 2019, issue of New York Magazine. Subscribe Now!

Things Couples Do to Keep Their Marriage Going