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Because You Can Never Have Enough Marc: Bonus MC Hammer Pants Coverage

Serenity is giant pants.FirstView

Like the Fug Girls, Jada Yuan was at the Marc Jacobs after-party. She got to the bottom of the MC Hammer pants mystery, with the last word going to the man of the hour himself.

Sofia Coppola, probably due to her pregnancy, stayed away from the Gramercy Park Hotel, but Dita Von Teese and her now completely en vogue high hairdo was an early arriver. She kindly stopped by the naked pictures of Jacobs and his celeb friends adorning the wall to comment on Jacobs’s future as a burlesque performer. “Well, he looks fantastic naked. I haven’t seen him dance, but I know he’d have a great outfit, and that’s what really counts in burlesque — lots of layers.”

Could she see him wearing pasties? “No, you don’t wear them unless you have to. It’s awful having to scrape the glue off at the end of the night.”

Actress Emily Mortimer, who just moved to Boerum Hill and was treating herself to a rare night out on her son’s first day in preschool, spent the evening leaning against a pillar. “My shoes are about three sizes too big,” she said. “But they were the only ones left for me to borrow, and I was, like, ‘I love them. Fuck it!’ Of course my toes are like claws just trying to keep them on my feet.” It was only Mortimer’s second fashion show ever, and she was still reeling from the madness of it all. “It was so wild in there! It was like going to watch a football match in England. And then it comes on and it’s fifteen minutes.”

As the party wound down, we made one last lap to get a few opinions on the show, especially those questionable MC Hammer pants. “Oh, I loved the whole show, the Pee-wee’s Playhouse catwalk,” said Richie Rich. “We’ve done MC Hammer pants three years in a row, but it takes a very confident girl to wear them because you kind of look like you’ve taken a dump in your pants.”

What about you, Helena Christensen? “I used to wear those when I was 14. We called them Allah pants, because they looked like they came from Morocco. And we always joked that you could take a dump in them and nobody would notice. But don’t quote me on that.” Richie Rich just said the same thing. “Oh, then I guess it’s good to know we’re of the same mind.”

Finally, just as we were about to go home, we spotted the man of the hour yet again.

Helena Christensen: How are you?
Marc Jacobs: Very tired. Very, very, very tired.
Christensen: You should try one of the tasty drinks at your bar.
Jacobs I’m not drinking anymore. [Holds up a full liter bottle of Evian water]
Us: You do look very buff.
Jacobs: That’s because I’ve been working out and I’m on a special diet. I have a condition with my digestion and my eating certain foods at certain times of day helps my digestion.
Fellow reporter: So that’s your diet plan?
Jacobs: I don’t have the energy to talk about my diet or about my collection.
Us: But we just saw you watching your own show.
Jacobs: I just wanted to see. I mean, I can’t watch it while it’s going on and I know there were a lot of mistakes and stuff and I just wanted to see how bad it really looked.
Us: What were the mistakes?
Jacobs: I don’t want to talk about it. I just lived through it. I can’t go through it all over again.
Us: Well, if it’s any comfort, I thought it was beautiful.
Jacobs: Good. That’s all that matters, is what everyone thought.
Us: Okay, I know you’re exhausted, but just one more question. Are MC Hammer pants the future of fashion?
Jacobs: I’ve never thought of them that way.
Us: Well, what do you call them?
Jacobs: I don’t call them anything! I call them pants!

Jada Yuan

See more Marc Jacobs’s after-party photos here.

Because You Can Never Have Enough Marc: Bonus MC Hammer Pants Coverage