If we were forced at gunpoint to decide which Hilton sister is the least useless, we would — after ascertaining whether some swift stiletto bashing could spare us this Sophie’s Choice — gulp and choose Nicky.
So imagine our slack-jawed surprise to see Paris taking notes from the front row at Max Azria (it WRITES!) while Nicky sat sour-faced and bored. What gives, heiresses? We turned to each other in queasy dread: Would we have to reassess? Would our world plop off its axis and into a sea of shame?
We needn’t have worried.
Because Paris has the attention span of a particularly tipsy fly, her dedication soon gave way to her vanity. Thinking she was being crafty — silly, silly Paris — she hid clumsily behind an information sheet, whipped out a compact, and redid her makeup. DURING THE SHOW. Did she think we wouldn’t see the giant sponge she was using? Does she think we are as blind as the titular stars in her anemic mess of a calypso ballad? Girl, PLEASE. We’re sure she just needed to check her eyes after another night of weeping over her new album’s monosyllabic glories, but that’s no excuse. You were raised in the Waldorf-Astoria, not a barn.
Other sightings included Sarah Michelle Gellar (who chatted sweetly with her seatmate, Max Azria’s little girl), Kevin Costner (who looked like he was spending the entire show thinking about his new hair plugs), Jamie-Lynn Sigler (in a gown so alarming it prompted a Fug Girls argument over which of the Golden Girls would have been more likely to wear it: Jessica said Dorothy Zbornak, Heather voted for Blanche Devereaux, and eventually neither of us could believe we were actually discussing this), and singer Amerie (who was seated next to Paris Hilton). We can only imagine the scintillating chat they had about their music. Maybe Paris gave her some makeup tips.