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Lance Armstrong Fails to Win Back Tory Burch

Lance will never get over those little ballet flats.Photo: Getty Images

We thought the Tory Burch presentation on Tuesday evening would be sort of a snore: pretty clothes, no celebrities. Little did we know that we’d find ourselves in the middle of a romantic drama — just the way we like it! We were loitering near the bar admiring Angie Harmon (who was gorgeous in jeans and a yellow top — seriously, she’s so pretty it kind of hurts) and talking about how Plum Sykes is so tall, when we spotted … LANCE ARMSTRONG. As in, Lance Armstrong, Tory Burch’s ex. Drama!

Even Tory seemed to tense up when she spied the one-balled cycling wonder hiding in a hallway just out of view of the camerapeople, who were filming Burch as she greeted Harmon but clearly expecting him to stroll into view and sweep her off her feet into a wet smooch. Tory’s eyes flickered between Angie’s face and Lance’s. The tension was almost as delicious as our wine.

We furiously veered between thinking it was sweet for him to support her after the breakup, wondering if they were getting back together, rooting for her to ride the Tour de Lance straight to some resplendent ex-sex, and finally marveling at how fully Burch was making that, “Crap, my ex-boyfriend is here. What do I do?!” face. Please bear in mind that all of our experience in reading facial expressions comes from years of Melrose Place, but we’re pretty sure she’s still madly in love with him and also that she’s probably about to blow up her apartment building after stealing her neighbor’s baby.

Sadly, we and the rest of the nosy parkers at the show were denied the glorious reunion of old lovers, as a woman we suspect to be Burch’s mother protectively guided Lance to the other end of the room — where he remained, far from the photographers and our prying eyes. In our imaginations, however, it was romantic, slightly boozy, and highly dramatic — exactly as Fashion Week should be. —The Fug Girls

Lance Armstrong Fails to Win Back Tory Burch