run through

Understanding How ‘American’s Next Top Model’ Contestants Trashed Their House

The calm after the cycle.Photo illustration: Getty Images, iStockphoto

We can officially confirm this season of America’s Next Top Model is going to be awesome. Perhaps even off the chain. The Post reports that the show’s fourteen contestants trashed the $6 million Tribeca loft they lived in for ten weeks:

Very telling! From this we may deduce the girls possibly engaged in the following action sequences:

The Throwdown: One girl throws hot coffee in another’s face in a fit of anger. Both land in the bottom two during elimination and receive a scolding from Scary Tyra. One goes home.

Lighthearted Play With an Angry Ending: “Oops, I got ketchup on your PJ’s!” First Girl squeals. Second Girl rubs her ketchuped ass on First Girl. A giggly running-through-the-house ketchup fight ensues, until the season’s Angry Girl threatens to tell Tyra.

Damn, That Bitch Is Crazy: The Weird One decides she’s going to show her competition who’s truly on top by drawing her face on the wall in lipstick between the portraits of winners past.

Posing Practice: Someone decides to practice her upside-down mermaid pose by dangling from the chandelier. The chandelier breaks, but wait! Tyra Maaaaaaaaaail! And no one notices.

Fight Over “Disrespect”: Angry Girl confronts Messy Girl for splashing water all over her toothbrush and makeup-remover pads and “disrespecting her space.” In a cruel ironic twist Angry Girl collapses at a photo shoot from unknown causes which turn out to be mold allergies.

We can’t wait.

Related: The Fug Girls: Our ANTM All-Star Dream Team

Understanding How ‘American’s Next Top Model’ Contestants Trashed Their House