fashion yearbook

Socialites Don Their Spring Dresses, We Judge Them

Denise RichPhoto: Patrick McMullan

Oh, spring! We never thought you’d come — until today, that is, when we experienced your delightful, sweat-inspiring heat. We’ve been kicking about in our booties, tights, and sweaters until now, but it seems the socialites are way ahead of us (they do travel in toasty black cars after all). Checking out photos from last night’s parties, we noticed the outfits were as spring-ready as the sandals — sandals! — on our feet right now. As they have precious little time to flaunt their spring threads before they’re off to the Hamptons, let’s judge their printed, lightweight garb while we can!

At left we have socialite mother hen, Denise Rich. We don’t even know where to begin. The abstract yellow cowprint? The textured shiny leather element? The gingerbread tan? Highlighted by the too light makeup creeping over her whole face? Spring is light, yes, but not like this.

Hey, it’s Dee Occleppo and her husband, Tommy Hilfiger! We love her bag. Looks ideal for swatting away paparazzi (we know you all have that problem all the time). The high-waisted skirt is equally chic. We were on the fence about that style of footwear, but now we know we really don’t care for it. Thanks for clearing that one up, Dee! On the right, the print on Melissa Berkelhammer’s dress looks like some sort of confusing, overly abstract collage. Not necessarily in a bad way, but not necessarily in a good way, either. We’ve not felt so ambivalent in a long time.Photo: Patrick McMullan

On the left is Lara Meiland Shaw. We love the color on her dress (it sure makes those other two ladies disappear from the picture), but the shape could be more flattering. On the right, it’s Tara Subkoff. One word: Love.Photo: Patrick McMullan

On the left it’s Blaine Trump and her BELT. Wait, did you notice her BELT? Seriously, it cries for more attention than her face. Not a good thing. Meanwhile, Lydia Hearst seems to have robbed us of that old slip our mother made us wear under our homecoming dress.Photo: Patrick McMullan

Socialites Don Their Spring Dresses, We Judge Them