U.K. Esquire asked eleven fashion designers to each re-create one of its covers from the sixties for its 75th-anniversary June issue. The lineup is impressive: Giorgio Armani, Donatella Versace, Karl Lagerfeld, and Vivienne Westwood all posed. Some stepped out of their comfort zones more than others for the pictorials, like Burberry’s Christopher Bailey, who posed nose to nose with a hairy pig lying on the floor. And others, like Miuccia Prada, didn’t even show their faces. We’ve ranked all eleven from our least to most favorite, taking into account the boldness, quirkiness, effort, and coolness reflected in each shot.
11. Alber Elbaz
Left, Elbaz’s self-portrait; right, Prada’s leg.Photo: British Esquire
— Alber, dahling
, your work at Lanvin
makes our knees weak, and we delight in your bow ties when you pop out at the end of every show. But we don’t love you nearly as much in crayon. Had you posed this pose in the flesh, you could have been our number one.
10. Miuccia Prada — Again, Miu, dahling, your fairy shoes make us want to forgo electricity in the heat wave to afford them. But the world wants to see your gorgeous face. It’s as if you RSVP’d “Yes” to a party and only sent your shoes.
9. Giorgio Armani
Left, Armani; right, Hilfiger.Photo: British Esquire
— This was just too easy. And he didn’t even wear a tie! His face just says, “One shot, and I’m done!”
8. Tommy Hilfiger — Snaps to Tommy for dressing up, but this is all a bit heavy and serious for our taste. Just because he lives in New York (and, admittedly, has quite a powerful presence here), doesn’t mean he needs to act like he rules New York. He’s not Anna Wintour, after all.
7. Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana
Left, Dolce and Gabbana; right, Versace.Photo: British Esquire
— At first, we found this quite meh and debated for a long time if it was better than Tommy’s shot. But then we noticed it looks like Domenico in the back there has three hands and the choice was clear.
6. Donatella Versace — You’re probably wondering why we chose Donatella for this spot when it looks like she, as with Giorgio, really didn’t put much into this. But this is probably the fairest skin tone we’ve ever seen on her, and it probably took some balls for her to go the angelic route.
5. Karl Lagerfeld
Left, Lagerfeld; right, Smith.Photo: British Esquire
— Rounding out the top half is the kaiser, of course. Times five! One is never enough, you know.
4. Sir Paul Smith — Smith is Photoshopped onto the edge of the soup can in this shot. Can you imagine how awkward posing for that would be? Way to be comfortable with your knighted self there, Mr. Smith.
3. Christopher Bailey
Left, Baily; right, Westwood.Photo: British Esquire
— Ah, yes, here’s our sexy Burberry
man in the compromising pig shot! We mean, can you think of another designer who gets down with farm animals? Literally?
2. Vivienne Westwood — The shot is simple, but Westwood really puts herself out there in it. By that we mean the wrinkles visible in her face remind us that some women today still grow old without having their faces sliced or pricked with needles. We really do look up to her.
1. John Galliano
Photo: British Esquire
— Speaking of putting it all out there, Galliano told Esquire
, “I didn’t choose this cover; it chose me.” We can tell. Galliano is posing with the fire of an overeager America’s Next Top Model
contestant — the face, the propped foot, and the head tilt are perfection
. Also, we can’t say we’ve ever seen him this clean shaven. And, um, hello, body! Is that Marc Jacobs we hear running for the gym?