At this point, we’re pretty sure it’s common knowledge that detox diets don’t necessarily improve health and 99 percent of people who claim they want to “cleanse” are just looking to lose five pounds in a few bathroom trips. But today the Daily News carries on with the charade that people still do these detox plans to improve their health, so they asked Dr. David Robbins of Beth Israel Medical Center to weigh in on if they work. “The bottom line is, no data,” he said. “The concept that you need to detox your body like you would take your car for an oil change is entirely off base.” Well, glad we could reestablish that yet again. But since the topic of diets and celebrities who follow them never gets old, let’s take a look at some detox diets and the stars who do them.
• Oprah Winfrey is currently on the 21-Day Cleanse. For this she must cut out all animal products, gluten, caffeine, sugar, and alcohol for — you guessed it! — 21 days. Dr. Robbins calls this “foolish.”
• Gwyneth Paltrow does Dr. Joshi’s Holistic Diet. This requires avoiding acidic, toxic, and refined foods to make the body’s pH balance alkaline. Dr. Robbins calls it “dangerous” and notes headaches, stomach aches, and nausea could occur.
• Robin Quivers does the Martha’s Vineyard Detox Diet, which promises to blast 21 pounds in 21 days. The dieter drinks juice and has multiple colonics. Dr. Robbins says this is futile, since colons don’t contain toxic residue.
• Beyoncé, in case you haven’t heard a hundred times already, did the Master Cleanse to slim down for Dream Girls. Dr. Robbins says this can cause “profound diarrhea and nausea.” Yum.
To Oprah, Gwyneth, Robin, and Beyoncé: We love you all, but we rue the day that we might have to share a bathroom with any of you.