Poor Anne Hathaway. As if it weren’t tough enough to promote Get Smart in the wake of dumping her skeevy jailed boyfriend, she had to grapple with last weekend’s spate of splashy tabloid headlines about her love life: “The Princess and the Con-Man” on People’s cover, and the touchingly subtle “BURNED BY A LOSER” from Us Weekly. If we’d had a month — or even a week — like that, we’d be on day eight of watching Ocean’s Eleven while eating only ice cream and not brushing our hair. Instead, Anne has risen from the ashes looking like the proverbial $21 million bucks her ex needs to post bail. Take a look at her fashion from the past few weeks; we think you’ll agree that Ms. Hathaway is the perfect poster child for how looking hot really is the best revenge.
Anne’s come a long way from her days of looking like she walked out of a bad prom photo — these comfy-looking cocktail dresses are casual and flattering, youthful yet sophisticated. It proves there is middle ground between a full-on ball gown and wearing a tank top that hangs off your nipples while half an ass cheek falls out of your formal shorts. Now if only she would teach a seminar to Lindsay “Leggings” Lohan and the cast of The Hills.
The icing on the cake, though, is Anne’s delicious Breakup Bob. Usually we warn people away from running to the hairdresser after a catastrophic event and screaming, “JUST CUT IT ALL OFF,” because, well, look how well it worked for Britney. But we love the shorter length on Anne — especially the slightly tousled version up on the right. It says, “Why, hello there, Tragic Ex. Doesn’t this look like sexy-time bed head? For ten bucks, I’ll tell you if it is. OH WAIT. You’re in hock to your lawyers until the end of time. What a SHAME.”
Anne’s dressier looks are likewise very smart. She must have been tempted to whip out the ol’ cleavage — who doesn’t want to remind her ex that he no longer holds the key to Boobs Manor? — but went instead for classic, feminine, and refined. Conveniently, the whole Beautiful But Demure look is also an excellent way to reinforce the idea that she could not possibly have had any inkling what her asshat ex was (allegedly) doing. Does this look like a woman who would approve of lying about the Vatican? Certainly not!
Not that Anne looks prim (although she does seem like she might be a bit hungry, but that’s another column). The Breakup Bob is as sexy curly as it is straight, which is the mark of a very good haircut indeed, and the black Rita Hayworth–esque gown accompanying it is super slinky without drifting into Slutsville. And while Anne’s white concoction could easily have turned into something a bit too virginal Disney Princess (it’s white! It’s frothy!), the construction is interesting enough to keep it adult.
So, congratulations, Anne. Not only for persevering in the face of a very embarrassing public breakup without bursting into tears on the red carpet, but for doing so without resorting to stumbling around in Cheetos-stained sweatpants and flip-flops, or even an endless series of interchangeable black dresses, à la Jennifer Aniston after that whole Brangelina thing. Maybe she really should teach a class. —The Fug Girls