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Fug Girls: Eva Amurri, Why Were You Wearing Chris Benz Hammer Pants?

Monday was quite an emotional roller-coaster for us: Between the love in the air at Diesel and the jumpsuits on the brain at Proenza, we didn’t think there was anything left to feel. But the celebrity audience at Chris Benz proved us wrong — clearly, whatever oxygen they were huffing before the show was steeped in pure, unadulterated wackitude, leaving us confused and in desperate need of some healing hooch.

The ageless and otherwise splendid Susan Sarandon showed up wearing a yellow pantsuit (at least part of which she may also have donned yesterday at the Toronto Film Festival, which is actually sort of human and cool of her, except that it wasn’t too flattering) and a black sheer-ish shirt that showed off what looked like turquoise bra straps. It hurt to look, so fortunately we were distracted by the insane magic-carpet ride that is socialite Byrdie Bell — who not only looked exhausted but was wearing a pale-pink tank top that was stapled to a huge, flowing bolt of filmy fuchsia fabric. No, really. It’s like she walked into Mood with a hot-glue gun. But then … Listen, there is no easy way to break this news, so we’re just going to come right out and say it: Susan Sarandon’s daughter Eva Amurri wore Hammer pants. Indeed, we think they were Chris Benz Hammer pants, because they were in the exact same pattern as the outfit sported by a nearby PR girl — which means the Hammer pants were also totally avoidable, as who in her right mind would choose clingy trousers with a knee-length droopy crotch over a cute frock? Do we need to have an intervention here, Eva? We can’t believe Susan didn’t send Eva off into the corner to think about what she’d done while wearing a dunce cap. Which, parenthetically, would’ve been a whole lot more flattering.

The kicker, though, was the arrival of Gossip Girl’s Taylor Momsen. She sauntered in with crossed arms and her best attempt at a disaffected expression, wearing what appeared to be leather pants and a gray satin sack that was significantly the worse for wear. Although, she won points for admitting that rather candidly to a reporter: We heard her say she’d been sent the outfit to wear and that her mother spent ages ironing it to perfection, only to slide out of her car at the show and find it totally crinkled again. Every girl who’s ever worn satin can feel that pain. But we have to report that her brand new faux-rocker shag looks even worse in person than it does in photos. The kid is 15 going on 32; why she’s running around looking like a refried Guns ‘n’ Roses groupie is beyond us.

At the end of the show, the celebs lingered for photo ops and a chance to congratulate Benz, who emerged from the backstage area wiping sweat from his brow with an expression of sweet, sweet relief. Sarandon ended up on the stage — the show took place at a theater — talking with Veronica Webb while Eva tapped her toe and waited. “Mo-ooom,” she called out, to which Susan amusingly sighed slightly, rolled her eyes as if to say, “Dial it down, kiddo, and by the way, childbirth HURTS,” and followed her daughter out the door. Which is too bad, because about ten seconds later a pizza-delivery dude rushed a few giant boxes inside, and we’re pretty sure putting those in a room full of models would’ve yielded plenty of leftovers.

But even though we didn’t like her pants, we still love Susan: As we walked down 37th Street to hail a cab, we saw the down-to-earth Sarandon trying to do exactly the same thing. No chauffeurs for her, and tragically, also no taxis. We eventually gave up and headed to another intersection, leaving Susan to make small talk with the random pedestrians walking past her and asking how she was doing. For all we know, she’s still out there. Please, if any cabbie reading this sees a hot redhead in a mustard-colored suit waving her arm on 9th Avenue, please stop and give her a lift. After all, we’ve seen Thelma & Louise; if you cross her, it’ll end in tears.

View a slideshow of the Chris Benz show.

View backstage video from the Chris Benz show.

Fug Girls: Eva Amurri, Why Were You Wearing Chris Benz Hammer Pants?