When Tori Spelling arrived at Christian Siriano on Thursday night, three things jumped out at us. First, her deep-teal Siriano cocktail dress was extremely pretty and flattering to her bustline — as well it should have been, as we believe he made it for her specifically and most recently fitted it to her that afternoon. Second, the erstwhile Donna Martin was wearing way too much makeup. At her age, shouldn’t she have graduated to a more natural look? And finally, girlfriend is THIN. We think she’s even less substantial than when she last played Donna and spent about four years in belly shirts. We were seated right next to a whole clutch of Christian’s Project Runway castmates, and Kevin Christiana was sufficiently moved to lean over to us — people whom he doesn’t even know — and remark that she is way too skinny. (He also told us that as soon as everyone in his season of Runway got a load of Christian’s work, they knew they were screwed. That’s got to be demoralizing when you’re stuck in a continuous loop of not sleeping and having only eight hours to make dresses out of, like, flaxseed and Jacuzzi jets.)
Tori appeared agitated from the get-go, arriving through the normal entrance and tottering fretfully up and down the runway, guided by staffers and her own people. She wouldn’t stop walking to sit down, which seemed curious, especially considering how almost seasick she looked while on her feet. We learned later from a girl who’d been trying to get an interview — and was roundly thwarted by Tori’s bodyguard — that Tori was stressing out about her seat; apparently she had either brought a few pals that needed accommodating, or she didn’t see/didn’t want the empty berth next to Runway’s (and Marie Claire’s) Nina Garcia (who did seem to be wearing the skinny pants Christian talked about sending to her in his blog for Time.com). We’re not sure in what universe one would prefer to sit next to Aubrey O’Day than to Nina, but maybe Tori lives in some sort of Bizarro America in which we all sneeze into twenty-dollar bills, the new 90210 is brilliant, and Danity Kane is the new Beatles. Staffers eventually solved the problem by bumping Ugly Betty’s Mark Indelicato over to Garcia’s left and putting Tori in his old place — but not before she burned a doughnut’s worth of calories pacing the catwalk in worry. Calories she needs. Still, it worked out in the end: Tori got her photo op near the other famous ladies present, and Mark got to visit with Nina, who appeared delighted to see both him and his fuchsia cardigan (they must’ve bonded when she guested on his show). Everybody wins. Well, except us; had she taken her original seat, Tori would’ve been right in front of us, essentially, and we could’ve whispered sweet nothings like “Donna Martin GRADUATES!” in her ear. Boo.
Meanwhile, Katrina Bowden posed for fan photos looking similarly wee but exponentially adorable in a short version of the fabulous gray-and-chartreuse gown Christian made for Heidi Klum to wear on September’s Emmy telecast. We maybe even liked her cocktail-length iteration of the gown better, but don’t tell Heidi. We couldn’t have even if we wanted to — Nina was the only Project Runway judge to show. Even Tim Gunn was AWOL. We’re concerned. Is it possible that this, of all nights, was the one on which he failed to make it work? Is the wormhole collapsing in on us all? Maybe Tim just knew that Aubrey was going to show, with her tragic dog parked pitifully and pinkly in her lap, and decided his delicate constitution understandably couldn’t handle it. Rounding out the familiar faces: America’s Next Top Model’s Miss J., and, representing for Bravo, Real Housewives of New York’s LuAnn de Lesseps, whom we spied giving several dutiful press interviews that we assume were about which of her fellow cast members she most wants to shove off the Brooklyn Bridge. It explains why she talked so long: The list must be sizable.