We prefer to ignore Miley Cyrus, but it’s only increasingly apparent that the brand she’s founded on bubble-gum smacking, singing badly, fake highlights and never saying an intelligible thing to the media, is corrupting female youth culture as we know it. And we’re concerned. Because we don’t have kids now but we might go to Laos to adopt one some day (we hear their court system is less rigid than Malawi’s) and we want to bring her back in good conscience. Last night at the premiere of Hannah Montana: The Movie in L.A, the young actresses dressed and behaved in ways that were so inappropriate we wondered if they were not actual people, but artificial beings harvested from $4 lipstick, glitter glue, and genetic material in Billy Cyrus’s secret cellar. If you’re feeling brave, see the horror in the slideshow.