We’ve never thought of the one-dimensional Lauren Conrad as a very confusing individual, but we received a press release this morning that left us befuddled. Just when we thought we were free of Lauren Conrad apparel products for a year (or at least a season), we learn Conrad is lending her name and image to a lifestyle brand for Kohl’s. The new line will hit stores in October — lest we all forget she exists, since her run on The Hills is almost over — and range in price from $20 to $80, which is what clothes purportedly designed by Lauren Conrad should cost, unlike the stretch-sateen dress at left she’s trying to sell for a preposterous $220. The line may expand into footwear, jewelry, handbags, intimates, and sleepwear, which kind of makes us smirk, because we figured Heidi Montag would beat the entire Hills cast to plastering her face on tags for $15 push-up bras.
The aesthetic of Conrad’s Kohl’s line is “California casual.” So expect more plain, boringly hued pieces of stretch fabric passed off as dresses, skirts, and tops. Or maybe the Kohl’s design team will help her come up with things resembling something more than dishrags. The line they did for Avril Lavigne was terrifying, but they also do Vera Wang’s line, which offers a minuscule bit of hope. Now we would just like confirmation that the ridiculously overpriced Lauren Conrad Collection line is dead, if not buried. And to urge all the big ladies’ monthlies not to run “Lauren Conrad: Recessionista” stories when the line launches. We’d be much obliged.