we don't think we're ready for this jelly

In Support of a Moratorium on Dancing in Leotards

Beyoncé’s new video for her song “Ego” is out. She’s pantsless in it, of course. At first, the absence of bottoms brings to mind Christina Aguilera’s “Ain’t No Other Man” video. Then, when Beyoncé’s two lady-dancer sidekicks enter the frame, it just looks like her “Single Ladies” video, but with different leotards. And pretty soon after that, it somehow manages to transcend all states of pantslessness ever seen. Somehow, Beyoncé has managed to go from, “Well, that’s kind of inappropriate but I guess it’ll get people’s attention,” to “Holy shit, get this woman a robe. But my, her chest is remarkable.”

The gold sequined leotard is skimpy, yes. But worse, flimsy and utterly unsupportive. Not the sort of sequins a lady should be gyrating in.

Nor feeling herself up in.

Nor dancing in with her back to a video camera in.

Nor doing lunges in with her rear to a video camera in.

Nor bending over in.

Nor, above all, sitting on a chair and spreading her legs in.

We fear for a nip slip and the sanctity of her bikini line. But Beyoncé is gorgeous and sexy when she wears clothes. Bottoms and tops together. Dresses that don’t mandate a bikini wax. We felt more comfortable with Britney (in her prime) dancing around in stretch pants and crop tops. The dancing in leotards must stop. Do it for the children, ladies. If you’re not convinced, watch the action for yourself.

In Support of a Moratorium on Dancing in Leotards