The Scala Bio-Fir Anti-Cellulite underpants came out in May in the U.K. They only cost £25 and are supposed to literally melt away cellulite just by being worn. It’s science, you see: The fabric contains crystals that warm when they come in contact with skin. This improves circulation in the areas of the body touched by the fabric, which encourages fat cells to turn into a liquid which is then excreted from the body by the liver. The Daily Mail reports:
Research showed that four out of five women who wore the knickers every day for a month lost inches from their stomach, hips and thighs. Cellulite was also reduced. The effects are said to last up to 12 months, provided wearers exercise and eat healthily.
When the magic crystal underpants hit sales floors at John Lewis, they sold out in the first day. They then quickly sold out on the underwear company’s website and started selling on eBay for £60. More than 4,000 women signed up for an email alert informing them when the girdle was back in stock (which happens to be today). Someone should hack that list and send them a memo informing them that wearing giant girdle panty-shorts won’t make them thinner or less dimply, and that the only crystals with any sort of potential to magically melt away fat of any kind are probably made with methamphetamine.