Thank God for Goldman Profits — Fashion Meets Finance Is BACK

How lucky are we to have just received an invitation to the next Fashion Meets Finance event? As you may recall, this elite club — or organization or cult of douchebag-ery or whatever you call it — facilitates fiery, passionate love between women who work in fashion and men who work in finance by bringing them together in fancy private mixers, not unlike Patti’s soirées on Millionaire Matchmaker (we imagine — we proudly do not speak from firsthand experience for either situation). Apparently the club took a little hiatus when the economy collapsed and shamed or newly broke bankers went into summer hibernation, leading to a dearth of desirables in the dating pool, and possibly a spike in crap relationships. But now that Goldman is rolling in it, it’s the perfect time to pop bottles and get wasted at Nikki Beach betwixt the rich Goldman guy and the hotter but less rich JPMorgan guy! Ladies, your dreams of becoming a rich housewife before you wrinkle needn’t be dashed, as the invite to the event on August 6 explains:

THE RECESSION IS OFFICIALLY OVER! It’s not even just Goldman reporting profits.

2008 was a confusing time, but we are here to announce the balance is restoring itself to the ecosystem of the New York dating community. We fear that news of shrinking bonuses, banks closing and the Dow plummeting confused the gorgeous women of the city who understood that their shelf life is quick and fleeting like a senator’s South American love affair.

The uncertainty caused panic which caused irrational decisions - there’s going to be a two year blip in the system where a hot fashion girl might commit to a pharmaceutical salesman (this is so much worse than the expected guy selling mortgages at JP Morgan Chase convincing a fashion girl he’s actually in finance).

Fashion Meets Finance has returned to let the women of fashion know that the recession is officially over. It might be a year before bonuses start inflating themselves again, but it will happen. Invest in the future; feel confident in your destiny. Hold on. It will only be a couple more years until you can quit your job and become a tennis mom.

What woman in her right mind would sign up for this, you ask? View the RSVP list here and see for yourself. The Cut claims no responsibility for havoc wreaked on any Facebook walls as a result. But remember, ladies, dignity is always a woman’s best accessory.

Related: Fashion Meets Finance ‘Purifies the Dating Pool’
Women at the Fashion Meets Finance Event Disappoint Us

Thank God for Goldman Profits — Fashion Meets Finance Is BACK