This Just In: Tanning Beds Are As Bad for You As Smoking

Guess what? Tanning beds are really bad for you. To think! New research finds that tanning beds are as deadly as arsenic and mustard gas, making them infinitely less sexy than they already are, which we didn’t even think was possible. Apparently the chance of developing skin cancer jumps 75 percent in those who use tanning beds before the age of 30, which is probably when most women go through that gross and regrettable phase of believing they will actually look better if they spend money to sit under cancer-causing lights for a few minutes, even though when they go out the next day in the middle of January, their friends will deduce from their new unnaturally orange tint that they submitted to this obnoxious activity.

Yet sometimes, even though it’s not a good look, nothing beats looking like a sweet potato in January, and said friends who look like paste might feel more jealous than smug knowing their friend is probably ruining their skin, but who can be sure? Well, now we can look those friends in the eye and tell them with conviction, “I might look like glue, but you may as well smoke, have hepatitis, or sweep chimneys, because those things are equally carcinogenic.”

This is also a good time to remember that ultraviolet radiation from the sun is bad for you, too. So use sunscreen. Those new spray-on varieties are wonderfully effective and easy to apply. Or go buy some Sevin Nyne and call it a day. Support Lindsay!

Study: Tanning beds as deadly as arsenic [AP]

This Just In: Tanning Beds Are As Bad for You As Smoking