Vulgar kimonos, crusty evening gowns, and accents make up only a small fraction of reasons to watch this year’s Miss Universe pageant, airing Sunday night at 9. Just a day ahead of his boss Anna Wintour’s appearance on Letterman, André Leon Talley will judge the pageant, held at the Atlantis resort in the Bahamas. Assessing which overly spray-tanned woman fannies about in garments that look like they came from a Vegas casino gift shop the best while stationed in the cruise ship of resorts doesn’t seem like a very Vogue thing to do. But as we said of Anna, it’s about time he embraced his celebrity beyond scant red-carpet photo ops. Hopefully he’s sensible enough to wear one of his signature graduation robes instead of a croc coat — something that breathes.
Other reasons to watch the pageant include ex–Destiny’s Child member Kelly Rowland performing her dance hit “When Love Takes Over” with David Guetta. Also, Heidi Montag performing her single “Body Language,” which the Miss Universe site doesn’t even call a “hit” or “top” or “highly downloaded.” At times like these, life feels so satisfying.