And so yet another Fashion Week draws to a glorious close. We laughed; we loved; we wondered what day it was, and how it was possible that something branded as “a week” could span eight days. But now, at last, we can relax and reflect on the best, the worst, and the best of the worst of the last however many days we all just lived through. Dear reader, read on:
We coveted the red patent trench — among other things — at Phillip Lim, but when it comes down to pure spectacle, no one tops Zinedine Zidane showing off his penalty kick at Y-3. At least, not without asking for a well-placed head-butting.
SHOW AT WHICH WE MOST FEARED DEATH IN A FIERY CONFLAGRATION:
We’ll never understand what happened to the Monique Lhuillier show. Once a completely civilized affair in the Tents, this year the show was crammed into a cramped boardroom at Christie’s, where it quickly became clear that the models, the guests, the photographers, and the lighting equipment could not possibly all get out alive, or at the very least, untrod upon by women in scarily dangerous heels. At least move downstairs next year, Monique! Your frocks need room to breathe.
THE IT’S ABOUT TIME AWARD:
Finally, the good folks at Coca-Cola realized that it was unnatural for fashionistas to be without a cold Diet Coke for longer than 45 minutes, and kindly partially sponsored the shenanigans at Bryant Park. Our raging addiction thanks them.
THE NEW SOPHIA BUSH AWARD:
This prestigious award is presented to the celebrity most egregiously overbooked each Fashion Week. Ironically, the starlet for whom it is named did not appear once. We missed her. Thank God we had Kelly Rowland to keep us warm at nearly every show we attended. “She’s in that group, Destiny’s Whatever,” we overheard one woman say of Kelly, and it’s exactly that kind of half-baked information the pop star turned Project Runway replacement host was in the front row to correct. It was Destiny’s Child, and that was forever ago, duh.
BEST-LOOKING IN PERSON:
We never really noticed this during The Hills — perhaps because we were so busy rolling our eyes — but Lauren Conrad is actually really pretty, and her faux tan is perhaps the most even one we’ve ever seen. Eat your heart out, Spencer.
ROUGHEST-LOOKING IN PERSON:
So maybe he didn’t win the Oscar last year. Mickey Rourke, you take this one in a landslide. But seriously, while we know we addressed the hair situation earlier this week, can we once again suggest a trim and some deep conditioner? Sure, the rough-and-tumble look is now your stock in trade, but that can easily be accomplished thanks to artfully tended stubble. Promise us you’ll think about it.
MOST AMUSING FROM A DISTANCE:
If Courtney Love was our seatmate — or, God forbid, our neighbor — we’d kill ourselves just to get some peace already. But from twenty feet away, she puts on a hell of a show.
MOST MISSED CELEBRITY:
We personally didn’t see André Leon Talley until the last show of the season, and he wasn’t even sitting with the rest of the Vogue crew (in fact, he seemed to be totally ignoring them). We hope he’s not in some kind of fashion funk. After all, it’s just not Fashion Week without ALT sailing into a show wearing a cape and perching on the corner of someone else’s seat.
We found ourselves sitting next to two photographers at Jill Stuart, waiting for the show to begin. “I kind of like those Real Housewives,” one of them offered. “Do not get close to the subjects,” the other one snapped. “STAY FROSTY!” We’re trying! It’s hard — haven’t you ever heard of Stockholm syndrome?
SCARIEST POWER COUPLE:
Janice Dickinson and Lizzie Grubman at Monarchy. Alone, they strike fear. Together? Law-abiding citizens, lock your doors. We don’t even want to imagine what those two are plotting.
SWEETEST POWER COUPLE:
We’ve been through a lot this week, but nothing could have prepared us for the shockingly heartwarming sight of Gwen Stefani tenderly patting Gavin Rossdale’s ass at the L.A.M.B presentation. After all, since when is Fashion Week about love, anyway?