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Jesus Luz Is the Least Interesting Thing at Y-3

This season’s Y-3 show was attended by all of that brand’s usual suspects: Rufus Wainwright, Perry Farrell, Devon Aoki, Leigh Lezark, yadda yadda yadda. This time, though, the show itself proved far more memorable than almost anyone sitting the audience.

The whole thing kicked off with a rousing instrumental rendition of the national anthem that, frankly, had everyone in the audience flummoxed as to the proper protocol: should we stand? Take off our hats? Sing along? Instead, we collectively compromised by applauding wildly at the end. “What are we clapping for?” the guy next to me asked his seatmate. “America,” she snapped.

The show itself proceeded normally, although the usual rock runway music was interspersed with selections from a variety of other national anthems — almost all of which the dude behind us was somehow able to identify for his neighbors. That guy must love the Olympics. At the end of the show, five models strode across the floor of the Armory toward the photographers’ pit, each holding a Y-3–branded soccer ball. They stopped, and an enormous net unfurled a very long way from the ceiling all the way to the floor. A model stomped over to the photographers and handpicked one, bringing him out to play goalie as each of the women shot a penalty kick right at him. The photographer (and the audience) was tickled — even if the lensman would make a terrible soccer player, given that he was unwilling to put down his camera in favor of continuing to document the moment. Not that we can blame him. Surely having five models kicking balls toward your face is a fetish come true for someone out there.

The models eventually scampered off, to delighted applause, and the photog-goalie took his curtain call and went back to manning his station. Naturally, we all assumed this was the end of the show, and started thinking ahead to dinner. But it was really just an appetizer. Next, designer Yohji Yamamoto emerged, holding two soccer balls of his own. He dramatically turned toward a nearby seat, and gestured. French footballer and worldwide hottie Zinedine Zidane slowly unfolded himself from his seat. The music was practically drowned out by the sound of everyone in the audience gasping and reaching for their camera phones in unison, as we all realized exactly what was about to go down, and also how badly we were going to want to post the photos of it on Facebook.

Yohji plucked the same photographer out of the scrum. This time, the guy smartly put down his equipment, so as to better handle Zidane’s moves. Zidane lined up and shot, right into the photographer’s belly. Somewhere in the crowd, someone was frustrated that he was denied the opportunity to yell “Goooooooooooaaaaal!” After Zidane showed us all what he was made of, Yohji took his own penalty kick. We’d provide more details about his form, but we were too busy asking each other if we just saw what we thought we just saw to pay too much attention. And we thought the most exciting thing about this show would be watching Madonna’s boyfriend, Jesus Luz, earning a living. Honestly, now we can’t even remember if we saw him.

Earlier: Y-3 Show Ends With Penalty Kicks

View a slideshow of the Y-3 collection.

Jesus Luz Is the Least Interesting Thing at Y-3