Joan Collins has a new makeover show in the U.K. called Joan Does Glamour. Her mission: to make British women “glorious” again. She’s appalled by muffin tops and “jelly belly hanging over” — “fashion crimes” she can scarcely escape. With her eyes heavily tarred with eyeliner and her hair sprayed into a crisp dome, she offers advice such as: “Fleece should be on sheep. Do you take care of your skin? Do you moisturize? I think you need to do a little bit more.” And: “Comfort and glamour do go together, but not when you’re wearing something that I would dust my silver with.” Not to be outdone by: “You look like you want to commit suicide.” To a pierced and tattooed woman: “Do you have a boyfriend? No. Girlfriend? Ha ha ha ha ha!” But she does advise against crop tops and fabric scraps cobbled together to make horribly ugly pants. “Once you get glamour it’s like a drug. Once you get glamorous you never want to stop,” she says. Maybe this is just what the world needs right now.