gorillas with hair gel

The Defining Elements of the Style of a Jersey Shore Male

If you thought the getting-ready routine for the men of Jersey Shore was as simple as rolling out of bed, lotioning the pecs, and throwing on a pair of board shorts, you’d be wrong. While the ladies have to miss work to devote themselves to applying bronzing powder and primping for a night out at Headliners, the men are equally high-maintenance.

“A guy from [the] Jersey Shore is a guy that is looking good, feeling confident, taking care of himself,” explains DJ Pauly D.

For the fellas, that begins with the hair.

“It takes me 25 minutes to get it right,” he brags. “Greatness takes time, and this hair right here is greatness. I have it down to a tee, but this is a process right here.”

But the arguably more important component to the Jersey Shore male’s sizzling hotness is his distinct musculature.

After careful analysis we have determined that the distinguishing factor of a Jersey male’s Look of Sex is not the size of his muscles. They are large and splendid, yes, but their proportions are far more important. You’ll notice the Jersey male spends extra time bulking up muscle groups that are usually not the bulkiest on a dude’s body. Compare the species pictured above to David Beckham, for example. The Jersey male’s triceps region is decidedly bigger than the deltoid region, adding to their primal, gorillalike stance. Often the biceps region is in turn bigger than the triceps region, giving the Jersey male’s wrists the effect of turning inward and the shoulders the effect of hunching forward, making the species look like they would be more comfortable walking on the ground on their knuckles and toes, like gorillas. Curiously, the Jersey male is only at his truest self when inebriated in a nocturnal environment like Headliners, which is when this behavior most visibly surfaces. Less curiously, the species is enticing more people to tune in than the most recent season of The Hills, where most cast members have become too plastic to move at all.

The ‘Jersey Shore’ cast reveals beauty secrets to their poofs and blowouts: ‘Greatness takes time’ [NYDN]

The Defining Elements of the Style of a Jersey Shore Male