The Jersey Shore has given us many gifts this holiday season: the gift of nicknames; the gift of overwrought musculature; the gift of lesbianism for the sole purpose of getting attention; the gift of the fist pump; the gift of a puzzling-yet-spectacular aversion to shirts; and the gift of overstyled hair. Of all the highlights, crispy tresses, and teased crowns in that house, no do is more marvelous than Pauly D’s. The way it glistens in the prism of moonlight reflecting off the vomit-infused hot tub and the Situation’s glistening pectorals, the way it doesn’t move after neither shower, nighttime slumber, nor brisk parasail. It’s full of questions, such as, what’s up with the faux cornrows? If you dripped melted ice cream onto them, would it even penetrate through to his scalp, or would it evaporate in the sunlight, thereby creating yet another shell to encrust and protect the cornrows from the elements at Headliners and Karma? The genius reporters at the Daily News went to Pauly D himself for answers, and they brought a video camera to capture the 25-minute magic that results in this most remarkable of coifs.
Are we the only ones starting to find these people charming?