Lady Gaga and Beyoncé’s much-hyped video for “Telephone” is finally out. After a delayed release and weeks of teasing by slowly rolling out stills, Lady Gaga and Beyoncé have given the world diva power at its very best — and acting and clothes that quite simply boggle the mind. This is Gaga’s video, but Beyoncé is the best part: She actually shows the angry, crazy side that we just knew lurked beneath her too-perfect façade. And not in the sexy, “Ring the Alarm” way — but in a twitchy, spazzy way. After the video, our favorite fashion moments from this epic collaboration.
1. The prison guards rip Gaga’s big-shouldered dress off her as they throw her in her cell. She only wears panty hose and X-shaped nipple pasties. “Told you she didn’t have a dick,” the white-trash lady prison guard says. “Too bad,” her fellow guard replies. But look closely and you’ll notice Gaga is wearing no underwear under those panty hose and her crotch is blurred out, allowing those who legitimately wonder if she does have a dick to continue contemplating this rumor.
2. In the prison-yard scene, Gaga wears sunglasses made from lit cigarettes. She already made sunglasses from razor blades, so she has to be resourceful.
3. Every one of Gaga’s fellow prisoners has an extremely slutty element to their outfit. Anyone in a minidress has the hemline cut so short their crotch sticks out the bottom, while a woman in pants has her thong arching high above each buttock. And none of them are close to sexy in the traditional sense.
4. Leotards for the dance sequences have been traded for glitter bra and thong sets. Let’s be honest — this is what every diva whose dabbled in pantslessness really wants to wear while she shakes it.
5. When Gaga gets in Beyoncé’s car after she bails her out of prison, Beyoncé says, “You’ve been a very bad girl. A very, VERY bad, BAD girl, Gaga.” Then she feeds her a honey bun from a plastic bag. Hey, curves are back, so carbs must be too?
6. Beyoncé looks stunning in her “good girl” banana-yellow dress and matching cowboy hat and eye shadow. She got to recycle her Destiny’s Child clothes after all!
7. All the food Gaga makes looks absolutely disgusting. Does this mean carbs aren’t back? Nor are curves really? Important questions for our shifting times and culture in a new decade!
8. Beyoncé has little American flags painted on each nail.
9. The fashion in the finale dance sequence performed by Gaga, Beyoncé and the white trash in the diner is an important statement on spring fashion. The divas have embraced white-trash attire — American-flag dresses and panties, shredded denim — and made it look good. And yet! They have just killed every trashy patron of the diner. So all this unfortunate, often trashy-looking denim-on-denim we’re seeing for fall? SHALL NOT STAND.
10. Gaga writhes at the end in a leopard catsuit. The costume, coupled with her movements, reminds us of her cat-scratching dance in the “Bad Romance” video, only this sequence is spazzier. And that “Bad Romance” cat dance, quite frankly, is among the top best bad dances in music-video history.