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The Fashion Show Recap: Finally, a Vagina Dress That Doesn’t Literally Resemble a Vagina

On last night’s episode of The Fashion Show, contestant David, who is confused for being gay, demonstrated just how straight he is. “I’m inspired by the female genitalia, which has a lot of folds,” he told the cameras. “I love the vagina.” Iman brought the contestants to the creepy Bodies exhibit on the Seaport, where David unabashedly examined, up close with his eyeballs, the crotch of a lady body. The contestants were all thrilled to design collections inspired by the inside of human figures, never pausing to wonder, “Hey! Where the hell did these bodies come from, anyway?” which is one of the most disturbing things about that place. But fashion time is not analyze-the-world time — and they did have the luxury of viewing the exhibit without crowds of tourist doctors who like to talk loudly about how much they know about anatomy — so back they went to the workroom in high spirits.

Once there, House of Nami easily puts together a nice inspiration board that Isaac Mizrahi loves. “What turns me on about the boards is this darkness,” he tells the team, advising them to go to the edge of that darkness. And when the presentation concludes, he says, “Thank you, guys. That was great,” as though he’s just reached his zen in the best yoga class of his life. Over to House of Emerald Syx, before Isaac even looks at their boards (which suck), he tells them to lose the “Syx” and go by “House of Emerald” since they no longer have six people in their house after one on their team was eliminated last week. It was a very nice way of him telling them their label name sounds, well, stupid.

Both teams proceed to design collections with obvious shades of pink, flesh tones, and red. Creepy Mike, who is not a great designer yet bragged in the first episode that he’s sat front row at many of the hundreds of fashion shows he’s been to all over the world, decides to make a print for his fabric. In one of the most disturbing scenes in reality-television history, he takes wads of string, dips them in blood-red dye, and starts slapping them against a white sheet of fabric with a look of glee on his face. The action resembled slapping veins and small intestines fresh with blood on a bedsheet, bringing Bravo as close as it’s ever come to airing a scene reminiscent of The Cell, starring Jennifer Lopez (well, minus some of the creepy guys who appear on the Millionaire Matchmaker, perhaps).

Anyway, after all that, with the whole day practically gone, Mike decides he doesn’t like his gross slap-dash print and attempts to re-dye it a bad shade of pastel pink. With his model arriving in half an hour for a fitting, he has to make something for her, so he sews a slutty tank dress that she can barely fit into. When girls that skinny have underwear lines that severe, you know your design has serious issues. After the girls leave, Mike, rather than hustle on his garment, sits down to eat noodles out of a Styrofoam box. After his team hassles him to make a dress, he goes completely bonkers and cuts whatever he managed to make into a bunch of tiny pieces, forcing his team to make another last-minute dress, which ultimately helps them win for a second episode in a row. Due to his antics and inability to make a dress for the show, Mike goes home, leaving the House of Emerald to another elimination round. Review all the outfits, including the winner, in the slideshow.

The Fashion Show Recap: Finally, a Vagina Dress That Doesn’t Literally Resemble a Vagina