Whateverland is a new book by Alexis Stewart, daughter of Martha, and Jennifer Koppelman Hutt, who hosted a radio show with Alexis for six years. The book, according to Amazon.com, is meant to show women “it’s okay not to measure up to perfectionistic standards of behavior and achievement at home, at work, and in relationships.” Domesticity aside, let’s take a less mundane task, like appearing on morning television — the Today show, let’s say — and see what we can learn from these two women.
• Write things about your mom, the super-famous “domestic diva” Martha Stewart, leaving the door open when she peed, and act extremely annoyed when reporters ask you about it. The reporters need to know they’re being completely unexpected and out of line!!!
• Admit to awkward things in the book, like having a falling out with your co-author, and behave as though you can’t bah-lieve anyone would ask you about that on your press tour. Especially when the meme of the book is that “it’s okay not to measure up to perfectionistic standards.”
• Act like morning-television viewers who take the time to write in and ask you questions about what you wrote in the book are totally awful annoying people. How dare they take interest in someone’s life when they wrote about it in detail in a memoir-style book!
• Sass the host when she mentions your mom going to jail. It’s only the right thing to do since obviously no one in America is still interested in that story.