Charlize’s February W cover.
You know when you’re telling a funny, embarrassing story about yourself, but you say it’s about “a friend” instead, just so you don’t look like a fool? Well, so long as you keep your narrative consistent, that usually works out. (“Remember my drunk idiot friend who I told you about? She woke up in a dumpster again last weekend!” etc.) But Charlize Theron slipped up and told the same story twice, once about herself (to Vogue) and the next time about “a girl” (to W). Here’s her Vogue version:
“I was on this date and started making out, and it was moving a little further, so I realized I had to get the cutlets out,” Theron recalls. “But my bag was small, and I couldn’t fit them in the thing. Jason [Reitman] was like, ‘No way. That doesn’t happen!’ But that stuff happens to girls all the time.”
Whatever happened to the cutlets?
Theron pauses. “I may have hid them in his trash with lots of toilet paper.”
And her W version (in the magazine’s forthcoming February issue):
If you don’t have boobs, you wear those cutlets. I heard a story of a girl who was on a date, started making out, and thought, Oh, he’s going to touch the cutlets! So she went to the bathroom to take them off, but her purse was too small to put them in there. I always thought that was a funny image, a woman not knowing what to do with these things that you stick onto your boobs.
Perhaps the weirdest part about this is that Charlize told the stories in the wrong order: Normally you start with “the girl,” and then you break down and confess that it was actually you who had to bury your cutlets in tissues. Because then it’s just endearing that you were too embarrassed to tell the truth at first. But Charlize is forgiven, of course, for producing such a gorgeous new W cover. (Brad Pitt’s on an alternative version, should you be interested.)
Related: Charlize Theron Educates Vogue on the Dangers of Bra-Stuffing