Jersey Shore Fashion Recap: Rain, Chains, and Depressed Facial Hair
On last night’s new episode of Jersey Shore, the cast had to deal with the elements (rain), getting laid (everyone but Vinny), and sunburns (Pauly D). It was their Bizarro World episode, with one constant: the clothes. Unnecessary sequins, shorts and short hemlines that leave nothing to the imagination, and animal print were vomited into viewers’ eyeballs with the reliability we’ve come to love. See some notable fashion moments from last night’s episode in the slideshow.
Snooki and JWOWW You would think, after leaving the dirty nightclub, even acidic Jersey rain would be a welcome thing as it is a cleaning agent i...
Snooki and JWOWW You would think, after leaving the dirty nightclub, even acidic Jersey rain would be a welcome thing as it is a cleaning agent in the loose sense any substance can be a cleaning agent on this show. But no! MASS FREAK OUT, and Snooki's horrifying "I'M FREAKING OUT" face and blood-curtling shrieks, perhaps to go with her blood-curtling attempt at a non-animal print, which sometimes looked like plaid and sometimes looked like that sarong you bought when you were 11, God knows why, and never wore.
Deena's Ass At least, I think this is Deena's ass, fleeing the rain behind Snooki and JWOWW. Do all the girls decide to wear grandma's pillowcase...
Deena's Ass At least, I think this is Deena's ass, fleeing the rain behind Snooki and JWOWW. Do all the girls decide to wear grandma's pillowcases with sashes around them on the same night? Or is this something that just happens, the way women in offices supposedly get their periods at the same time?
Jionni When everyone got home from the dirty nightclub, Jionni was wet! Rather than go shirtless, as Ronnie could have told him he's supposed to ...
Jionni When everyone got home from the dirty nightclub, Jionni was wet! Rather than go shirtless, as Ronnie could have told him he's supposed to do at any given moment, Jionni has to borrow a tee-shirt from The Situation. And hey! Now Armani Exchange can craft a desperate-looking publicity campaign surrounding their logo being exposed on this show. But they probably know their demographic better than some other companies.
The Situation What does this fool think he is, with this shirt just one shade of salmon paler than his skin, and a sarcastic expression that says...
The Situation What does this fool think he is, with this shirt just one shade of salmon paler than his skin, and a sarcastic expression that says "I'm so much better than that other person"? A WASP?
That Girl and Pauly D Pretty much everyone gets to have sex with someone in this episode, and this girl, in denim shorts of panty proportions and...
That Girl and Pauly D Pretty much everyone gets to have sex with someone in this episode, and this girl, in denim shorts of panty proportions and stilettos, an outfit pretty much no one can get away with outside of a music video for a song everyone likes, is Pauly's catch.
Sammi and JWOWW This is the scene with the plot point where JWOWW announces she's not wearing underwear, which I take to mean a bra but possibly ...
Sammi and JWOWW This is the scene with the plot point where JWOWW announces she's not wearing underwear, which I take to mean a bra but possibly also panties. Well, does she wear bras ever? Points like this are getting tired, which is why the ratings are slipping.
Pauly D Another plot point of the episode was Pauly D getting a sunburn on his face, leading him to seek out the blue kind of aloe vera and panic...
Pauly D Another plot point of the episode was Pauly D getting a sunburn on his face, leading him to seek out the blue kind of aloe vera and panic as though he were Snooki getting, eff his life, rained on.
That Girl (Again) and Pauly D Having absconded from the house the previous night without her shoes and Pauly D's diamond chain in her vagina, thi...
That Girl (Again) and Pauly D Having absconded from the house the previous night without her shoes and Pauly D's diamond chain in her vagina, this girl returns to the house the following morning to return said diamond vagina chain in exchange for said footwear. Note that her outfit is basically the same as it was last night, but her bottoms are just a different kind of fabric.
Snooki To go with her disco tits, Snooki wants to wear surprisingly conservative underpants that say JIONNIS [sic] under her dress. JWOWW tells h...
Snooki To go with her disco tits, Snooki wants to wear surprisingly conservative underpants that say JIONNIS [sic] under her dress. JWOWW tells her not to because the thing Jionni hates about her is when she shows her ass in public, which she would do, to be fair, whether or not she had his name (plural) on her ass. But Snooki listens.
The Situation Omigod BUMP WATCH!
Vinny Poor Vinny. He's so rich and sad. His "clinical anxiety" reaching a menacing pitch this season, he spends the episode in the thro...
Vinny Poor Vinny. He's so rich and sad. His "clinical anxiety" reaching a menacing pitch this season, he spends the episode in the throes of depression, which seems to be manifesting in the centimeter-too-long hair on his face.
Vinny (foreground) and Pauly D's legs Pauly tries to cheer up Sad Vinny with a spa day! So they go for mani/pedis, producing a scene that suggest...
Vinny (foreground) and Pauly D's legs Pauly tries to cheer up Sad Vinny with a spa day! So they go for mani/pedis, producing a scene that suggests something we've never given any length of consideration to before: Pauly D. might shave his legs. Which brings up another thing: why is it that the people who tan the most also do the most in the way of hair removal? Food for thought for the long weekend, guys.
Ronnie and Vinny When spa day doesn't cheer up Vinny, Ronnie takes him to the boardwalk for some games (Vinny is too sad for rides, or something)...
Ronnie and Vinny When spa day doesn't cheer up Vinny, Ronnie takes him to the boardwalk for some games (Vinny is too sad for rides, or something). Toward the end of the "Vinny and Ronnie play carnie games" montage, Vinny has changed from a white tee shirt to a blue one, certainly in honor of his emotions, which can be molded like a soft clay.
Snooki Another of her leopard going-out outfits, but this distinguishes itself from the rest because of those matronly sleeves, which make her lo...
Snooki Another of her leopard going-out outfits, but this distinguishes itself from the rest because of those matronly sleeves, which make her look even more top-heavy than she usually does.
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