What: Nicki Minaj
Why: Well, in the off chance you weren't already aware things are going to get explicit.
What: Double Dutch.
Why: Because buns of steel (see next slide) require cardio.
What: Yes, buns of steel — in a yoga pose that takes some practice.
How: Some people are just that flexible.
Why: Because when in doubt, use an emoticon.
What: A big gold Barbie necklace and four designer watches.
Why: Hip-hop artists don't look highly upon tardy colleagues.
What: Veritable tongue gymnastics.
How: More yoga?
What: Chunks of mango?
Where: In a clear plastic bowl that, judging from Nicki's expression, doesn't meet the fruit bowl standards laid out in her rider.
What: Theatrical -- nay, drag queen-worthy -- disgust.
Why: She's still not over the above mango bowl, really.
What: Wide eyed naivete that belies the cussing. Also newly-noted cheekbones, freckles, and some hair-dye left over from Katy Perry's recent experiments.
Where: All painted over Nicki's actual face. It's under there somewhere.
What: One big Barbie doll-style butt.
How: Not yoga.
Where: On a very expensive car.
What: A very distressed looking monkey.
Why: He has NO nail polish, or hair dye!
What: An absence of pants.
Why: To counter-balance the excessive collar.
What: Backup dancers caught mid-squat.
Why: Well, they did all that hard work dancing for the video, and only got one short scene where they're not in silhouette.
What: Eyelashes resembling a handlebar mustache.
Why: Nicki wants a sponsorship deal with Latisse.
What: Crazy eyes, and lots of different stick-on nails
Why: Because why wear just one manicure when all five different patterns match your leopard-print body paint just so?
What: The 2012 Superbowl.
Where: Who knows? This is a fashion blog.
What: A very big chair.
Why: This is the part of the story where GoldiPinki-locks tries out Papa Bear's chair, which is too big and uncomfortable.
What: Creepy anime-style eyes, yellow lipstick, and a lot of post-production airbrushing.
How: Well, except the lipstick, exactly how Gaga did it in "Bad Romance." Although now that that video is over 2 years old, it's more of a tribute than a rip-off.
What: Still stuck in a cage, pretending to be a leopard.
Why: Because nobody's unlocked it yet!
What: A sneer.
Why: Presumably because Nicki "is the female Weezy."
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