grumpy brides

Brides Resort to Tube-Feeding to Lose Weight Before Their Weddings

Fun! Photo: iStockphoto

Today’s Times has a disturbing story about the latest (and grossest) weight-loss methods brides are trying before their weddings. According to one survey, 70 percent of engaged women want to lose weight before their nuptials, and the typical goal is about twenty pounds — which, if you’re going to go the “healthy” route of one to two pounds a week, should take a little over three months. Of course, plenty of brides make an extra effort to look fit at their weddings, because it’s “your day” and all, and you want to look nice in pictures. But apparently some women prefer to take shortcuts, which might sound preferable to all those weeks of sweating at the gym and skipping dessert… except that it doesn’t:

In March, Jessica Schnaider, 41, of Surfside, Fla., was preparing to shop for a wedding gown by spending eight days on a feeding tube. The diet, under a doctor’s supervision, offered 800 calories a day while she went about her business, with a tube in her nose.

The tube basically works the same way that any normal restrictive diet does — by feeding its user very few calories. Only instead of eating tiny portions of food with your mouth like a normal human, these dieters have their nutrients delivered via nostril.

It uses a nasogastric tube (a tube that goes through the nose and down the esophagus into the stomach) to provide all nourishment, with no carbohydrates, for 10 days. Dr. Di Pietro said body weight is lost quickly through ketosis, the state in which the body burns fat rather than sugar. Patients at his office are monitored during the 10-day period for things like constipation, bad breath and dizziness.

In addition to being gross and making you smelly, the tube is expensive (about $1,500 for ten days), and you have to wear it around all the time. Explains one user:

“People think I’m sick, I’m dying,” said Ms. Schnaider, a watch wholesaler in Miami. She refrained from going into her daughters’ school. “The children, they would be scared,” she said.

Because consuming only 800 calories a day would make anyone lose weight, the tube does work — Schnaider wound up taking it out early because she lost so much weight so quickly. You know something’s wrong when juice cleanses seem normal.

Brides Resort to Tube-Feeding to Lose Weight