simon says

Simon Doonan Is ‘on a One-Man Campaign to Rid the World of Man Boobs’

Simon Doonan stopped by Conan last night to talk about his recent book, Gay Men Don’t Get Fat. He told the host, “There’s a horrible epidemic of man boobs, and I keep telling — people are clutching their man boobs now, I can see it.” Undeterred, he continued, “There aren’t fetish clubs for people who like man boobs. Man boobs are like hyenas, and mosquitoes, and red ants, and sharks. They don’t need to exist. They’re horrible. So I’m on a one-man campaign to rid the world of man boobs … A lot of straight dudes, they don’t really care, they’re, like, farting and watching TV, they don’t care about their man boobs. We need to make them care and explain to them, these, girls, right, they are unacceptable, am I right?” Andy Richter, for one, agreed, noting, “I’ve always said that if I was going to get plastic surgery, I would get the fat sucked out of these tits, that’s the first thing I’d do.” Simon touched them and said they weren’t that bad, yet, “but five years from now, watch out.” “That’s what the bra is for,” Richter said.

Simon Doonan Will ‘Rid the World of Man Boobs’