Hillary Clinton Does Not Sweat

Photo: PRAKASH SINGH/AFP/GettyImages

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton does not sweat. Literally. Or so a bunch of Clinton aides and reporters tell Kevin Doyle in Conde Nast Traveler’s September cover story.

“She does not even glow. No matter how high the heat, not a drop nor a drip nor a bead nor so much as the faintest glisten can be detected anywhere about her person.”

Metaphorically convenient, but medically troubling! Does the secretary of State suffer from anhidrosis? Maybe she’s just one of those people who turn red instead of sweating.

According to an “expert” who popped up in a WebMD Q&A on the topic, some people sweat, some people’s blood vessels dilate and some people do both. Rich Weil writes: “Some people simply sweat more than others. If you don’t sweat much then the dilation of blood vessels, which carry the heat from the muscles to the skin surface, allows for the release of the fat. Typically the face turns red when vessel dilation is the main source of heat release.” He recommends a cold, wet towel to help with the transfer of heat.

Are you getting this, pore-watching staffers?

(Actually, there’s very little evidence to suggest her face gets red, either.)

Even after that bodily revelation, the Traveler article stays quirky, because it’s all about travel: the first time Secretary Clinton traveled abroad (after law school, to the U.K., with Bill, he proposed, she said no), her favorite destinations (the empress of Japan’s house), the amenities her plane boasts.

“The best thing about flying with the secretary of state is the food, which Clinton has a direct role in choosing and which included a cheeseburger with the works, tandoori chicken, and a killer coconut cream pie (beer is not on the menu, but at least a bottle or two of imported suds were served to the press corps by the nimble crew of Air Force flight attendants). The worst thing was the movies, which, perhaps to encourage staffers to keep working, included such Razzie-worthy fare as Jack and Jill, Joyful Noise, and New Year’s Eve.”

How she wards off jet lag:

“She even learned from her Secret Service minders to pinch her arms and dig her nails into her palms to combat the effects of jet lag, so she could get through official engagements with her eyes open.”

Lest that all seem a little trivial, travel is a huge part of the gig. Secretary Clinton will have traveled more than a million miles by the time she hangs up her hat in January, laying the diplomatic groundwork for post-empire America and becoming a cherished meme in the process.

“Even the Pakistanis love her,” a blind source tells Traveler.

Hillary Clinton Does Not Sweat