Kristen Stewart’s First Post-Scandal Appearance Was Far Less Fashionable Than Everyone Else’s

This is NOT the Kristen Stewart photo from yesterday.
This is NOT the Kristen Stewart photo from yesterday. Photo: Alo Ceballos/2012 Alo Ceballos

Kristen Stewart was photographed in the wild yesterday for the first time since her cheating scandal broke. The other three members of the love square have appeared in public over the past few weeks, each looking somewhere between vengefully stylish (Liberty Ross), respectably put-together (Rupert Sanders), and nicely outfitted by Gucci for his Cosmopolis press tour (Robert Pattinson). Meanwhile, Kristen skipped last week’s London premiere of On the Road, instead hiding out goodness knows where, and was finally discovered by one lucky paparazzo in L.A. yesterday.

Some observations about this picture, which we currently can’t post here without getting sued:

 Her belly shirt: This top leads us to believe that, unlike most of us, she is not the type to embrace her post-breakup funk by losing herself in cartons of frosting on the sofa. Instead, she might be one of those rare people who actually loses her appetite when she’s stressed. Also, a belly shirt? Where does one even procure one of those nowadays? Perhaps, instead of watching reruns of SVU and eating Doritos over the past few weeks, she’s been distracting herself by cutting up her clothes.

 Her hat: It’s backwards, so it doesn’t hide her face at all. She’s practically trying to get noticed! It does, however, cover up her hair, which looks like it hasn’t been brushed in a while. Don’t judge — we’ve all been guilty of this on more than one occasion.

 Her gray capri jeans: Why not?

 Her backpack: This conjures up memories of planning to run away from home. Which might be exactly what she’s doing, come to think of it. 

 The coffee and bundle of unidentified sticks in her arms: She’s fueling herself to escape this wretched place; the twigs are for roadside campfires, should she need to keep warm during her voyage.

Stewart’s Schlubby First Post-Scandal Appearance