hairy situations

A Tale of Five Mustaches: Movember, Week Four


As Movember draws to a close, our dedicated mustache-growers look back on their month of furry-faced-ness. Some feel triumphant, others more bittersweet; most will be bidding farewell to their facial hair with much fanfare this Saturday, December 1.

GREG, 28, advertising creative, New York

As of last week, I wasn’t thrilled with my mustache, but then I got rid of my Thanksgiving beard and thought it really shined. I was surprised by its ‘stachiness. Overall, though, mustaches are not for everyone. You can tell a lot about someone’s sense of humor and general worldview by how they react to it. Girls love this Marilyn Monroe quote about if a guy can’t handle her at her worst, then he doesn’t deserve her at her best, and I guess I feel sort of the same way about my mustache.

I’m looking forward to shaving, but once my mustache is gone, I’ll miss it and forget about all time I spent feeling like an idiot and wishing it wasn’t there. So I guess it’s kind of bittersweet, but I’m looking forward to being taken seriously again.


NICK, 27, founder of a nonprofit start-up, Brooklyn

Thankfully, I appear to have made it through the month without any whisker-related catastrophes — except for that one Chuck-E-Cheese I strolled into while the handlebars were still around, but they’re not pressing charges. As the month is coming to a close and the reality of losing my new nose neighbor has started to hit me, I’ve found myself surprisingly attached. Perhaps I’ve just fulfilled an inevitable brown-man destiny (every one of my uncles has some fashion of facial hair), or I’m just concerned about how cold my upper lip is going to feel. But the decision about whether it stays or goes will not be one I take lightly.

I was actually surprised to find how many people in my midwestern hometown were not fully aware what Movember was all about, although they were more inclined to hear about it when the information was from a prodigally furry person. I hope I recruited some folks to join up next year and beat the crap out of disease with what is clearly our most powerful natural talent.

CAL, 26, producer, L.A.


While my mustache is not everything I hope it could be, it IS thicker than last year’s, so I’ll take the improvement. I’m looking forward to the day (knock on wood) when I’ll be able to grow that full Magnum P.I. mustache. I’m excited to shave it off, but my girlfriend is counting down the minutes — I think I might wake up on December 1 and she’ll have shaved it off while I was sleeping. 

The Movember team that I was on this year is getting together on the last night of the month, so we’ll be able to have an evening of mustache solidarity. Although I enjoyed being part of the group effort, the facial hair itself will not be missed.

DAN, 29, consultant, Manhattan


My mustache is not even close to what I’d hoped for. What I really have is two separate pieces of mustache, and the empty spot in the middle isn’t even centered. I’m pretty unhappy with how it looks, and I never want to grow a mustache ever again; it’s itchy, and it makes my skin dry. Come December 1, I’ll be shaving, then shaving again shortly thereafter, and then moisturizing.

I think I might be a walking discouragement from mustache-growing, because everyone has noted how terrible I look. Hopefully next year someone else can carry the torch so I can just contribute money and not have to grow this disappointment again.

JEFF, 30, writer/editor, New York


Is it the greatest mustache in the history of the world? Who’s to say? If I am to say, then I say yes. It is. Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair! Still, I’ll be shaving it soon enough. I’m pretty sure this is how Ozymandias felt. It’s pretty awesome to know that I can fight both prostate cancer and a grizzly bear with little more than my hairy upper lip. Or at least prostate cancer. It’s a powerful mustache.

I’m considering growing my beard in around the mustache, as opposed to shaving it right off, which might mean Movember will drag into December … but I haven’t decided yet. I’ll definitely be celebrating December 1 with bourbon.

A Tale of Five Mustaches: Movember, Week Three 
A Tale of Five Mustaches: Movember, Week Two 
A Tale of Five Mustaches: Movember, Week One 

A Tale of Five Mustaches: Movember, Week Four