73-Year-Old Perv Turns Random Hottie Into Helen of Troy of Football

“What a beautiful woman!” a 73-year-old murmured into a live microphone on a major cable network broadcast all over the world. “Wow! Whoa!” Thirty seconds of verbal ejaculations later, ESPN commentator Brent Musburger had turned symmetrical 23-year-old female Katherine Webb — girlfriend of University of Alabama’s quarterback and Miss Alabama USA 2012 — into a national flashpoint.

Huffington Post discussed her hotness. Yahoo! News discussed her hotness. USA Today discussed her hotness. As the night drew to an end, Arizona Cardinals defensive end Darnell Dockett would attempt to steal the younger player’s paramour, reports. “@_KatherineWebb aye u going to king of diamonds Monday after game?” the handsome, woman-mad deceiver tweeted, followed by “Aye @_KatherineWebb hit me [phone number redacted] when game over, lets go to wing stop then King of diamond,” and “[Expletive redacted] that was supposed to be DM!”

Katherine Webb has yet to address her insta-fame, probably because she’s busy dealing with the large wooden horse full of horny NFL fans that arrived at her doorstep this morning. Not since Kate Upton’s boobs has a female in a sports stadium caused such calamity.

Update I: USA Today notes that King of Diamonds is a strip club.

Update II: ESPN apologizes for Musburger’s fascination: “We always try to capture interesting storylines and the relationship between an Auburn grad who is Miss Alabama and the current Alabama quarterback certainly met that test. However, we apologize that the commentary in this instance went too far and Brent understands that.”

Stadium Hottie Becomes Helen of Troy of Football