As star-studded blowouts go, there’s awards season, there’s the Met Ball, and then there’s Cannes — which is what you’d get if the first two got married and took a dizzy, dramatic honeymoon. Forget that there are actual films being screened: Focus on the red carpet. It’s two parts movie stars and supermodels, one part “actors” and “models,” a splash of crazy, and a heaping teaspoon of nudity (ideally served over ice on the deck of a rented yacht, or thrown directly into someone’s face). We compiled this roundup of 2013’s most impressive feats of glamour and gratuity, ostensibly as a cautionary tale for future attendees … but really as an instruction manual, because without the capital-C Crazy, where would we be? Certainly not Cannes.