How to Survive Your First Coke (or Whatever) Scandal

Photo: Splash News

Back in 2005, it only took five days for H&M to withdraw Kate Moss’s £4 million contract after the Daily Mirror ran pictures of the model snorting lines at her then-boyfriend’s recording studio. Burberry quickly followed suit. It’s now been four days since Moss protégée Cara Delvingne was photographed dropping and hiding a bag of white powder (Cocaine? Molly? Stevia?), and she seems to be in the clear. H&M has told the Daily Mail it will “evaluate the evidence” before it takes action, and WWD concluded that “no one is really convinced of what was actually in the mysterious bag.” But inconclusivity is not the only thing Delevingne has going for her. (Moss could have been snorting vitamin B, after all.) Party-loving models: crib from Delevingne’s scandal survival playbook.

1. Timing is everything.
Delevingne’s luck was in scheduling her “drug” drop for the day before the Met Gala, the biggest fashion news event of the year. Before the fashion press had time to tsk-tsk at the pictures — on theme though they were — they were swamped with scores of celebrities in pseudo-punk couture and hours of Anna Wintour–centric gossip to comb through.

Photo: Youtube.com

2. Smile!
Does this look like the ravaged face of drug addiction to you? Delevingne reportedly giggled when the suspicious powder went flying from her purse as she fumbled for her keys, like the clumsy protagonist of an edgy rom-com. Kate Moss’s heroin chic was an easy target for the war on drugs. Delevingne, with her screwed-up faces, boy-band boyfriends, and uniform of sneakers and hoodies, looks more like a spokeswoman for adolescent ADHD.

3. Have minimal responsibilities.
It’s a lot harder to recover from your coke scandal if you are an elected official, operating a motor vehicle, or need a studio/network to insure you. Delevingne, a self-described “professional human being,” owes relatively few people her uninterrupted sobriety. Not that we’re judging, but Kate Moss had a 3-year-old at home at the time of her drug scandal.

Photo: caradelevingne/Instagram

4. Kiss a girl.
The only thing the Internet loves more than celebrities doing drugs is blonde-on-blonde, celebrity lesbian action. Like the bisexuality tweet before it, this Instagrammed smooch with Sienna Miller should keep Delevingne’s Google Alerts occupied for the rest of the week.

How to Survive Your First Coke Scandal