Two days after announcing that their current CEO, Christine Day, is stepping down, Lululemon posted an “open call” for her replacement on their website. You can even apply online! But there’s a catch: You must meet a long list of complex, lofty requirements. Before you even begin to wonder if you might be a good fit, take our quiz to see if you can even distinguish which qualifications are real and which ones we made up:
1. a) You communicate powerfully, often through Sanskrit.
b) You believe that sometimes Reiki speaks louder than words.
2. a) You are disciplined, focused, and can do a mean crow pose without farting.
b) You are disciplined, focused, and can hold headstand for at least ten minutes.
3. a) You’re a long-term thinker. You already have a plan to bring yoga and luon to Mars by 2018.
b) You dream big. You one day plan to wrap the moon in luon just sheer enough to let a subtle glow shine through.
4. a) You break all the rules, like getting your OM on (loudly) whenever the urge arises.
b) You know which rules are important (always bend over, just in case) and which ones aren’t (savasana doesn’t have to be at the end of class).
5. a) You appreciate the superiority of Maltesers and Wunderbars to Whoppers and Butterfingers.
b) You know the secret to how they got the caramel in the Caramilk bar.
6. a) You wear the Mansy to lead our companywide morning chant and kombucha ritual.
b) You wear the Mansy to play wheatgrass drinking games during meetings (every time someone says “synergy,” you drink).
7. a) You have Chip Wilson, the Dalai Lama, and Hillary Clinton on speed dial, and can hold seances with Ghandi during emergencies.
b) You have Chip Wilson, Bill Clinton, Ellen DeGeneres, and Oprah Winfrey on speed dial.
8. a) You can balance the budget on your sacrum while in downward dog.
b) You use your third eye to channel innovation.
The real descriptions are: 1. a, 2. b, 3. a, 4. a, 5. b, 6. a, 7. a, 8. b