Justin Bieber Pees Into a Mop Bucket, Transcribed

This morning, TMZ posted a video of Justin Bieber peeing into a restaurant mop bucket while his friends cheer him on. TMZ says the video was “shot in NYC earlier this year,” depicting “Bieber and his idiotic friends leaving some nightclub, exiting through a restaurant kitchen.”

In addition to Bieber’s urine, the video contains a watchful bodyguard (club employee?) and crosstalk from Bieber’s “Wild Kidz” crew. Transcribed, it reads like a deranged one-act play. The cameraman serves as narrator while a Greek chorus chants, “We the Wild Kidz, yo. We the Wild Kidz.”

Narrator: Quick little piss break, you know, quickest restroom we could get to. [Low voice murmurs inaudibly. Is it the bodyguard/employee?] We swagger, man, you know. This is just a little walk to piss. 

Background voice, sotto: We the Wild Kidz, yo. We the Wild Kidz.

Narrator: That’s the coolest spot to piss. You know, you will forever remember that. 

Background voice, sotto: We the what?

Narrator: You’re not going to remember him pissing in the restroom! Like, everybody does that.

Background voices, escalating and overlapping, shouting and giggling: What are we though, bro? What are we? We the fucking Wild Kidz, yo! Wild Kidz! Wild Kidz in this bitch! Whoooooooo!

Justin Bieber, squirting picture of Bill Clinton with cleaning fluid: Fuck Bill Clinton!

Background voice: Who stole my beer?

High school drama clubs should perform this.

Bieber Pees Into a Mop Bucket, Transcribed