39 Things We’ll Miss About Patriarchy, Which Is Dead

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We were surprised to learn today that the patriarchy is deadWe were informed by Slate’s Hanna Rosin, who wrote that criticism of her nonfiction book The End of Men can be explained by feminists’ “irrational attachment to the concept of unfair.” We got the vote and the Pill. What more could we want? “It’s elite feminists like my questioner and me who cling to the dreaded patriarchy just as he is walking out of our lives,” she writes.

She’s right. We’re clinging to structurally reinforced sexism like a bad boyfriend, and it’s time to say, “See ya later, Patriarchy.” It’s been real. Thanks for all the good times.

We’ll never forget …

1. The 200 abortion restrictions passed since 2011, closing 58 (or roughly 1 in 10) clinics.

2. Aerobic striptease, cardio pole dancing, and bikini bodybuilding

3. “Bikini bodies”; “baby bump debuts”; and “post-baby bodies.

4. Thigh gap.

5. Juice cleanses.

6. Labiaplasty.

7. Vaginal rejuvenation.

8. Vajazzling.

9. Vajacials.

10. Vaginal-tightening cream.

11. Vaginal-bleaching cream.

12. Anal-bleaching cream!

13. Being called sluts.

14. Having no friends because we’re sluts.

15. Wondering if, when, and how we can “have it all.”

16. Never winning any prizes.

17. Not being geniuses.

18. All the books titled The ______’s Daughter and The ______’s Wife.

19. Vibrators shaped like cupcakes.

20. Pink tablets preloaded with shopping apps.

21. Disney princesses.

22. Real princesses!

23. That thing where dudes get an extra half of a seat on the subway for their balls.

24. Not having mandatory paid maternity leave.

25. Having an unemployment rate higher than it was at the beginning of the recession, thanks to the public sector jobs lost in budget cuts.

26. The lines for public restrooms.

27. Doing the lion’s share of child care and house work, even if we have full-time jobs, then being told we chose the wage gap.

28. Getting raped because of skirts and heels, alcohol, the hormone levels in nature,” and social media.

29. Creepshots.

30. Girls Gone Wild.

31. Revenge porn.

32. Honor crimes.

33. Dowry deaths.

34. Purity balls.

35. “Peak nubility.”

36. “Pretty women who are unaccompanied want you to talk to them.”

37. “Women’s suffrage and individual freedom are incompatible. How’s that for an unpopular truth?

38. “We Saw Your Boobs

39. TitStare

39 Things We’ll Miss About Patriarchy