A woman in the Fargo-Moorhead neighborhood of North Dakota decided that only thin children will receive candy from her this Halloween. The “moderately obese” children, as she calls them, will receive a note to bring to their parents and a cruel, piercing stare that will remain with them for the rest of their lives.
What will this letter contain? A hearty blow to their self-esteem, disparagement of parenting skills, and a clip-art pumpkin. It reads:
You child is, in my opinion, moderately obese and should not be consuming sugar and treats to the extent of some children this Halloween season. [sic]
While the other children might enjoy a night of playful frivolity and ghoulish games, your kid should probably just remain home, hidden forever from fun and delight.
My hope is that you will step up as a parent and ration candy this Halloween and not allow your child to continue these unhealthy eating habits.
This go-getting disapprover has long harbored a problem with her neighbors’ children. But she’s not really the type to just march over to their homes and tell you what she thinks. That’s their business! Instead, she will wait. Oh yes, she will wait — silent, brooding, scheming — for these little souls to come to her. Halloween! These tiny tots will literally waddle up to her door on the eve of all Hallows, when the moon is full and the stars are dark. It is the moment to unleash your judgmental fury upon their small souls! Scar their spirits forevermore!