Total Frat Move, a repository of frat philosophy, has taken it upon itself to determine the hottest sororities in the land. Already TFM sorority-authority Roger Dorn has evaluated the sisters of the Big 12, the Pac-12, the Big Ten, and the ACC. Today, he ranks the 10 hottest sororities in the SEC.
Presumably, there are many different sorts of women in these many different places? No. The discerning Dorn has selected for a pattern, and that pattern: Everybody looks the same.
Yes, on behalf of Total Frat Move, Dorn the Expert has selected women that have a look: overwhelmingly white (bronzer not withstanding) with long, straight hair (usually blonde), and sometimes curled at the very end. Dorn’s girls are often sporting outfits of the same hue.
Their quads are frozen in a sorority squat; their arms are forever akimbo in the skinny-arm pose. Their sorority houses are homes through which a river of flaxen highlights and spray tan grease flows. They’re sisters. They’re best friends. They’re twinsies. Yes, Total Frat Move’s lengthy gallery reveals all these girls have much in common:
- They pose in symmetrical fashion, like a Rorschach blot of blonde hair.
- They use the same leg work outs.
- They do the same things with their hands.
- They hold the same things with their hands.
- When one girl forgets her shoes, the others will all wear beige and skin-colored heels to make her fit in.
- They share hairstyling tricks.
- Sometimes the most daring of these women switch it up: When they wear black dresses, the girls on the right get to curl their hair a little bit and the girls on the outside get to wear pearl chokers. And in the pool, the two girls on the outside get to clutch a beer with a pale-blue coozie that matches the water — and matches the emotion of their identical hearts.
- And when in fear of their commonality, they just clutch onto each other for a shred of hope.
Certainly, probably, these women are not the same woman. But through the curatorial vision of Total Frat Move, this gallery blends them into one look.
Total Frat Move has determined that what truly distinguishes a hot sorority from a really hot sorority is being completely indistinguishable.