Dear Cut readers,
We are in the final hours of my tenure at the Cut. I timed my departure strategically so that I could drown my sorrows in carbs.
I arrived here three years ago with no idea what to expect and even less of an idea what I was doing. But I learned from the best, and before long I was allowed to babble in front of cameras and pontificate about thongs and see-through pants. In honor of Thanksgiving and my last day, here’s a list of lessons I’m grateful to have learned.
1. Always make solid eye contact. Particularly when interviewing attractive, shirtless male strippers. And especially when interviewing Ryan Lochte.
2. The Internet always wins. No matter how hard fashion designers try to fight the web, they’ll have to surrender eventually. Pictures of clothes just want to be free! Particularly pictures of Beyoncé in sequins.
3. Boyfriends are sensitive. Before publishing a 1,200-plus-word story about your significant other, let him read it — but then don’t let him look at the comments after.
4. The royal family contains multitudes. Never underestimate the entertainment value of anyone with a title, no matter how tangential. Why do you think the Brits have kept them around for so many centuries? Not just for their charming hats, that’s for sure.
5. Dress every day like you might have to vault out of a stuck freight elevator. And you know those mornings when it’s pouring rain and you can’t be bothered to shower? That’ll be the day when you suddenly get the chance to interview Marc Jacobs, who always looks impeccable. And then photographers will take your picture and your mom will e-mail it to all her friends.
6. People with great taste don’t need much money to look fabulous. But of course, money does help.
7. Think twice before wearing a bird on TV. Male or female, politicians (and their spouses) know they’re supposed to look the part — although isn’t it fun when they don’t?
8. Anna Wintour hates to be interrupted at dinner. I should have known.
9. Extra hair looks great on everyone! Even New York’s art critic, Jerry Saltz.
10. Criticizing a woman’s body will get you nowhere. Especially when that woman is Kate Upton.
11. Juices are delicious and healthy. But juice fasts are not! Good god, what are you people thinking?! Especially since you can’t swing a lipstick in this industry without hitting a free box of Ladurée macarons.
12. Treat everyone like they might someday be your boss. Because in some cases, they actually will be.
Thanks for a fun three years, everyone. Starting next week, you’ll find me over at Harper’s Bazaar.