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Eva Longoria Naked But for Strategic Crystals

Eva Longoria.
Eva Longoria.

That look on Eva Longoria’s face on this new Elle Spain cover? It says, I’m trying my darnedest to look serene and sexy, but of course I look like I’m holding back a sneeze — I’ve got effing crystals stuck to my butt. In fact, one of them may be in my butt, if I don’t stay verrry still, although my left hand is going to fall off if I lean on it any more awkwardly. I’m not even worried about the crotch situation, because that bridge was crossed a while back. And when is someone going to tell me why I’m wearing this silly black wristband? I am literally more clothed on my right arm than the rest of my body.

Or maybe she’s just looking forward to lunch.

Eva Longoria Naked But for Strategic Crystals